Ask Amy: It may be time to give up on marriage

Dear Amy: I was married to a wonderful woman for 30 years. We raised five children together and had our ups and downs, but overall I felt that we had a solid marriage.

After our youngest left the nest, my wife became a different person. She befriended single women and started going out frequently. She lost interest in the marriage.

This went on for four or five years, and then she got her own apartment, but we stayed friendly. I tried to make the transition as smooth as possible.

The past few years, she has been living with her elderly mother. We are in touch multiple times daily and spend time together. She says that when she is no longer required to aid her mother that we will spend more time working on reconciliation.

Recently I ran into a friend, and she told me that she saw my ex at a social club with an elderly gentleman. She said that they were clearly on a date and that my ex "was really dressed up and looked great."

Is it time to give up? I've been avoiding her these past few days and I'm struggling with how to approach this.

Amy says: At this point, you and your ex-wife have been living apart for many years.

If she was a stay-at-home mother, she may have wanted to start this next phase of her life without the pressure of repairing a marriage she might have been holding together mainly "for the sake of the kids."

I think it's time for you to ponder building a quality life for yourself without reconciliation being at the center. You and your ex are now friends. She is meeting and dating others, and if you want loving companionship at this stage of your life, you should try this, too.

So, in short, yes, I do believe it is time for you to give up on this marriage in order to give yourself a fresh start.

Dear Amy: My wife and I just welcomed our first child. My wife battles anxiety and depression. She went off her meds during her pregnancy and struggled.

The day after the birth of our son, my folks were visiting at the hospital and started pressuring/correcting her about breastfeeding and on how she was holding the baby.

I've decided to limit any family visits and to deny visits to people who so far don't seem able to keep their parenting critiques to themselves. I just want to give us another month or so to get our sea legs, but my parents are very upset by this ban.

What do you think?

Amy says: I agree with your protective choice. These early days are tough, but they also can be vital and beautiful bonding times for your little family.

Furthermore, make sure your wife is screened immediately for postpartum depression, and to have her mental health medication restored or adjusted.

After a month or so, you all will be feeling more robust and secure, but even then, you should be careful and protective. It's a parent's highest calling.