Ask Amy: In-laws leave family divided

Dear Amy: My in-laws told me in a rather unkind way that they don't like me. It's been a year since this happened, and I see that my husband is sad, misses his family and is disappointed.

Truthfully, his folks never liked me, and I could tell, and so a part of me was relieved by this revelation because it meant that I could stop the phone calls to chat, as well as sending the birthday gifts and cards (I did this because their son did not).

I think my husband wants an apology from his folks. His mom occasionally texts him messages like, "I think these messages are not making it to my grandchildren because your wife is deleting them." (I am absolutely not deleting anything or preventing any contact between them.)

I do not want him to carry a grudge on my behalf. I also want my kids to have grandparents. But I do not know what to say to my husband. He is very angry at his parents for causing a rift. Should I say anything to him?

Amy says: You are revealing what seems like an impressive understanding and insight into this unfortunate dynamic; you describe it very well, and yet you can't decide whether to talk to your husband about it?

He is hurting. He is in pain. You may not have all of the answers or a surefire solution, but you could help to ease your husband's pain by encouraging him to open up to you. Start with, "Honey, I do not want you to carry a grudge on my behalf. If you want to see your folks, you should see them — and if you want to take the children for a visit, I welcome you to do that. How can I help you through this?"

Amy says: My fiancé "Charles" and I have a wonderful relationship. We've been together for eight months and plan to get married in the spring.

The thing is, I don't like this kid. He is a combination of sullen and entitled, though he and his dad seem to get along well. I tend to avoid them during his weekends. But that's going to be harder after the wedding. How can I better handle these weekends?

Amy says: I wonder if you've met many 13-year-olds. I'd say that "entitled and sullen" is within the norm for many kids that age.

This boy will be in his father's life for the rest of his life, and not only on every other weekend. You should absolutely not get married until you develop an understanding and at least a friendly relationship with this boy.