Ask Amy: Hubby plans to move after his death

Dear Amy: My husband has lived in the Pacific Northwest for 57 years. We've been married for 25 years.

On a recent trip to Kansas, his birth state, he learned that the family cemetery plot has room for one more person, so now he wants his remains buried next to his paternal grandparents and uncles.

These people have been deceased for decades. I never met any of them. There is no room for me in this family plot in Kansas, although there are plots available in another section of the cemetery.

I am not interested in being buried in a state I've never lived in. And I am perturbed that my husband prefers to be buried with these relatives instead of near me, in the place where our five kids were raised and where his parents are buried.

Rationally I know that my annoyance is silly because, after I'm dead, I won't know where I am buried. But I guess that I will be cremated and interred here by myself.

Am I being unreasonable?

Amy says: It sounds as if this recent visit to Kansas triggered in your husband a very deep and sentimental desire to eventually return to the old sod. I believe this is a common and natural reaction when people at a certain stage of life visit their birthplace or ancestral home.

There are many ways your husband could leave his mark on his birthplace during his lifetime. He could donate books to the elementary school's library, support the historical society or donate a memorial to be installed at his ancestral cemetery. You might explore some of these options with him.

I suggest that you and your children should reserve plots at your local cemetery near his parents' gravesites. You should revisit this choice in a few months, and he should at some point make his wishes known in writing.

Dear Amy: I have three sisters. Our parents are elderly. We have been getting together for a potluck dinner at my parents' house to celebrate birthdays and other occasions, usually once a month. This makes it easier for our folks because they do not have to leave their home.

The issue is that my parents and sisters are very negative people. The conversation is always about how inadequate our current politicians are. They constantly spread fake news articles through social media and emails from questionable sources.

They are prejudiced and intolerant. They discuss gender identity and sexual orientation like it's a disease, even though my son (their nephew and grandson) is openly gay.

I now visit my parents by myself. Should I tell them that I am not attending the potlucks anymore, and tell them why?

I feel like if I do attend, I will become the odd person out, saying nothing and not even wanting to hear them talk about their subjects of choice during what should be a special family time.

Amy says: How about attending and not staying silent? How about standing your ground — if only to defend your own son, whose sexual identity is not a disease?

If after doing this, you choose to stay away from future group meetings, at least all of the participants will know why.