Ask Amy: He's driving her crazy — literally

Dear Amy: I have been married to my husband for more than 30 years. I always have done most of the changing, adapting and forgiving. Apologizing is not his forte, but he is a good, kindhearted man.

I've recently developed a condition called amaxophobia, a phobia about riding in a vehicle. Symptoms include extreme anxiety, shortness of breath, nausea and a racing heart.

I have all of these symptoms — but only when I am a passenger in the car that my husband is driving. It does not affect me when I am the driver or riding with other people.

My husband is a fast driver, speeding and tailgating other cars. That always made me a little nervous, but my anxiety has increased recently.

The last time we rode together I was in tears, sweating, having difficulty breathing, grinding my teeth and terrified about having an accident.

We've had long discussions about this. He has agreed to drive more slowly, but doesn't. I suggested that he drive locally and I drive on highways, but he is unwilling to make this change.

He now blames me for ruining our future retirement. He's unwilling to go to therapy. Any suggestions I'm overlooking?

He has staked out his position, and you should make your choices accordingly. I suggest that when you are traveling a far distance, you borrow or rent a second car — or use other transportation. Arriving safely at a destination does not ruin your retirement; it saves it.

Your extreme anxiety response is your "fight or flight" response in high gear. Please, seek therapy for yourself, both to manage your anxiety and to discuss your response to your husband's rigidity and lack of respect.

Dear Amy: I've been with my partner for 22 years. We have lived together for most of that time.

We talked about getting married when our respective children graduated from high school. That was 10 years ago.

My partner's son, "Sam," who is almost 30, still lives with us. He pays nothing, does nothing for the house and works when he feels like it. His mom still does his laundry and changes his sheets for him.

Amy says: I assume that you believe you don't have any power or say in this relationship. But this is your life and your home, and you have the right (and responsibility) to stake your own claim regarding what you want.