Ask Amy: Grade school bully weaponizes friendship

Dear Amy: My daughter, in third grade, made friends with a second-grader, "Lucy," who lives across the street. They go to the same school.

They were getting along great when Lucy started making friends with all my daughter's classmates, and then telling her that the other kids don't want to be her friend. She also heard Lucy tell another girl that my daughter is ugly. She came home sobbing.

I know this happens all the time, but it's wrong. My daughter doesn't want to go to this school anymore.

This little girl has spent a lot of time at our house. Her mom is a school counselor. Should I talk to the mom?

Amy says: Friendship is the primary currency in primary school, and the dynamic you describe is one way that children believe they attain status. Lucy is on a dangerous path of her own, and this behavior should be corrected.

Yes, you should speak with this other mother about the dynamic between the two. You don't seem to know her well, but because she is a school counselor, she might have insight or fresh ideas for how to handle this drama. If she minimizes this — or perhaps even contributes to it — then you'll know to avoid both mother and daughter.

Your daughter's teacher also should be made aware of the stress she is experiencing. The teacher might be able to ease some of her concerns about school by engaging with her more in the classroom.

Also get her involved in an afterschool activity, such as scouting, music, drama or sports.

She would benefit from reading the "Weird" series by Erin Frankel and Paula Heaphy (Free Spirit Publishing, 2013), featuring a third-grade girl who is being bullied by a classmate who brands her as "weird." The hero of these stories recovers her confidence with the help of others; I hope your daughter will, too.

Dear Amy: I am a woman in my 40s. I'm very successful in my career and life. My mother is in her 70s. She is extremely unhealthy and always has been, mostly because of a lack of exercise and poor diet.

She's recently been prescribed opioids. In my opinion, she uses them as a crutch. Rather than eat right or exercise, she pops another pill.

When I mention this to my father, her caretaker, he becomes furious and accuses me of being the drug addict. (Yes, I occasionally smoke pot.)

Amy says: You're blaming your mother for health problems that you deem could be fixed through exercise and diet. You don't mention being a physician or nutritionist. In fact, you don't even say what your mother's medical issues are, or why she has been prescribed opioids.

Your attitude is actually similar to your father's. You assume she is addicted to opioids, he assumes you are addicted to marijuana, when in fact you both may be using these substances in proper doses.

If you want to pass judgment, you should educate yourself on her condition and treatment, and lend a helping hand in her care.