Dear Amy: Just before the pandemic, I started dating a charming, smart, handsome, funny professional guy (we’re both men). Our dates were delightful, except that whenever I suggested getting physically affectionate, he always had an excuse not to.
The relationship faded out. After a few months, I drunkenly texted him, and he responded by asking if I wanted to be friends with benefits.
We started hanging out again, and we had sex a few times, but there was no romance or spark whatsoever. No charm, no jokes, no fun and no cuddling. Afterwards he would abruptly leave. It was like he was a completely different person.
I felt like a human being when we were hanging out, and like an object when we were having sex. I started making excuses not to have sex (our dates were still great), but he kept hinting.
Then he suddenly moved out of the country. He’d been planning this, but hadn’t told me. After a year away, he came for a visit and asked to stay with me for three weeks. He made many blunt requests for sexual acts, even though I’d been saying I wasn’t really interested.
He slept in my bed without asking. I was so uncomfortable, I decided to sleep on the couch. On the third night we were drinking, and I gave in. I felt terrible afterward. I finally asked him to find another place to stay. He left. We have not been in touch since then.
I miss the friendship. I miss the possibility of romance (it seemed like it should have worked as a relationship), even though a relationship never happened. I’ve been thinking about him, and I’m considering reaching out again. I feel terrible about how it ended, but it doesn’t sound like there’s any point, does there?
I’d like a second opinion.