Ask Amy: Friend's polemics grow tiresome

Dear Amy: Due to a health condition, an acquaintance completely sequestered herself during the pandemic, and has remained so for almost three years now. I think it's messing with her mind.

On Thanksgiving, I was joyful that we could finally spend time in our home with just two other family members. But that evening I got a long email from her about how Thanksgiving is a bogus holiday, and she hopes I will join her in boycotting it going forward.

She ruined what had been a joyful day. I was angry. I am angry. Why must people insist on ruining life's little joys?

I'm tired of her religious, political (even though we are on the same side) and now, holiday emails about things that she feels strongly about and expects — even demands — that I feel the same way.

She is a good person with many redeeming qualities, but I have had enough. I'm sure she is lonely and feels isolated by the pandemic. What can I say to her?

Amy says: If merely learning someone else's views ruins your holiday, then you should re-examine your holiday.

Your friend's views about Thanksgiving are the result of a culture-wide reassessment of public monuments and the back story of some holidays. Many people are grappling with these issues.

You could ask your friend to keep in touch, but not to send you polemics. Or you could assign emails from her to a special folder, where you can read them during times when you won't be triggered by the views they contain.

If you believe she is lonely and you would like to try to help, you could be more proactive in terms of your own contact with her.

Dear Amy: My niece found out that she has a male cousin that was a 99% match. They reached out to each other, and then to me.

I had dated his mom for a short while 34 years ago (until I found out she was engaged), so we separated. The mother never told anyone — including me — that I had fathered her child.

My newfound son and I now communicate often and see each other a few times each year. I have two new granddaughters and a daughter-in-law who are a wonderful addition to our family. My wife and daughters love them.

Amy says: There is so much uncertainty contained in these connections. I appreciate your open attitude and the very happy outcome.