Ask Amy: Friend who wants more is no friend

Dear Amy: I am in my 40s and a single adoptive mother of two girls. Many years ago, I met "Jeremy" on an internet dating site. While I wasn't romantically attracted to him, we became friends.

From our first meeting, Jeremy made it very clear that he wanted more than friendship from me. I was honest in stating that I viewed him as a platonic friend and that it wouldn't go any further than that.

We have remained in touch over the course of 11 years. He has become a dear friend. We laugh and commiserate.

But Jeremy continuously makes not-so-subtle hints that he would like us to be more than friends. We have some common interests, and we are both good people, but there are major differences, and frankly I'm not attracted to him. Friends and family members have suggested that I'm crazy not to date him, but I just don't see him that way.

Am I hurting him by remaining in his life if he is always going to harbor hope that I will grow to view him as a romantic partner?

Amy says: Most people crave and value having a special and intimate friendship connection. True and lasting friendships are worth their weight in gold.

You seem worried that you will hurt Jeremy by maintaining a friendship instead of transitioning into a romance.

Respond to his next not-so-subtle hint by saying, "That's never going to happen; furthermore, this makes me uncomfortable. If you really believe you can't be friends with me without exerting this pressure, then maybe we should rethink our friendship."

It would help for you to think about how you would respond if one of your daughters reported a similar dynamic with a friend. Would you advise her to keep quiet about her own needs?

Dear Amy: I hope this doesn't seem like a silly question.

I have twin boys (almost 3 years old). I regularly take them to our big grocery store, in part to give my wife a break. And also, of course, to pick up groceries. Lots of groceries.

When we're at the market, I like to cruise the "free samples," and I offer the boys a snack as we go. These are small things, and they're usually healthy snacks.

Amy says: It's not a silly issue, but I'm wondering why you are polling so many people about this. My take is that whichever adult has the fortitude to take twin toddlers through the superstore should use whatever means necessary to complete the mission and should not necessarily discuss the details later.

Dear Amy: I'm replying to the letter writer whose parents announced that they wanted an open relationship. My sister had an open marriage, and she told us about it so we wouldn't worry. In the writer's case. it might have been Mom's way of letting her kids know that her marriage is fine and not to worry too much about them.

Amy says: I take your point, but I didn't see any evidence that the marriage was fine. Mom might have been telegraphing that message.