Ask Amy: Focus on kids, not your phone

Dear Amy: My husband and I have two children under the age of 3. Most of the time when my husband watches the kids, he is fiddling with his phone. Even when our 11-month-old is practicing walking, he holds her by the arm with his attention glued on the phone.

If I say something, he gets all defensive. With our first child, I called him a bad dad because he was always on his phone or just holding him while watching TV (basically not interacting with his child).

He was very hurt by this and said I was out of line and disrespectful for saying it. Honestly, I wouldn't mind him spending so much time on the phone if he was doing something productive on it, but he is using it just to watch videos or scrolling through Reddit.

To make me more upset, he does not consider this as "free time." He defines free time as time spent free of kids. Free time for me is taking the kids on a walk.

I am struggling with how to explain to him that your kids are here, not on a screen. We did go to marriage counseling for a year, but it did not work very well. It turned into, if I am struggling, then I need to get some help.

Amy says: I agree with you that the level of distraction you describe is not good parenting. Parents should do their utmost to have two free hands when dealing with a toddler and a baby. You can't have two free hands if you are using one hand to hold a phone.

I wonder if you might reach a compromise whereby your husband agrees to listen to music or a podcast instead of watching or scrolling on his phone.

Every parent needs free time. I interpret this as a time when you are not with the children, either because they are in bed asleep or because you are physically away from them. You and your husband should each have some time when you are completely free of child care duties; couples often achieve this on the weekends, when they "tag team."

Couples also need "we time." This is time (aside from marriage counseling) when you focus on each other and maintain your own adult relationship, with no children (or phones) to distract you.

Dear Amy: I am having conflicting feelings. I think I am in love with someone from my work as a summer camp counselor, but I have a boyfriend. We've been together for almost four years.

I am in love with my boyfriend, too, which is why I'm so confused and conflicted. I am losing sleep over this. I don't know what to do.

I trust this camp guy very much. My boyfriend is very sweet, but I can't help but feel like I can't trust him all the time. I feel like he's sneaky. Sometimes he dodges my questions.

Amy says: Working at a summer camp is like being on a movie set — offering ideal and otherworldly conditions which are ideal for romance (or hookups).

When contemplating a summertime love match, here's what you should NOT do: Hunt for — or invent — ways in which your sweet boyfriend isn't worthy.

If you want to break up with your boyfriend in order to explore this other relationship, make sure you do so cleanly, honestly and respectfully.