Ask Amy: Fellow hiker needs firm and friendly treatment

Dear Amy: I'm in my mid-20s. I recently moved 1,000 miles away from home to Colorado for a job. Despite knowing no one here and going through a breakup before the move, I don't feel lonely.

My co-worker, "Kendall," started her job around the same time and immediately latched on to me. It's nice to spend time with her, but I still very much like my alone time.

She invites me to hang out several times a week. I usually accept once a week out of pity, and also because we are among the few females in a male-dominated workforce.

I hate hiking and doing outdoorsy things with her because she brings her ill-behaved dog. I know from experience that this dog needs firm and friendly training.

I've hiked with Kendall and her dog several times and it's a circus every time. I'm surprised one of them hasn't gotten hurt.

I'm trying to plan day trips to nearby national parks. I don't want to invite her, but if she finds out I went alone she will whine to me at work.

How do I nicely tell Kendall to discipline her dog (or leave her at home)? How do I say that sometimes I want to do things by myself?

There are two impediments to you enjoying Kendall's company: the dog, and the fact that you often just want to do things by yourself.

Talk to her! Say, "I enjoy hanging out with you but honestly, I also need more time to myself. I hope you won't take it personally when I don't accept an invitation."

"The second thing is different: I don't want to go hiking with your dog anymore. She's a great dog, but I think she needs some professional training. I really believe it is unsafe to hike with her, so I'm not going to do it."

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for over 20 years.

Recently we were watching TV, and the husband in the TV show was asked what kind of wife he had. His reply was: "A very, very lucky one."

What kind of reply was that? Couldn't he have replied "lucky," or some other compliment?

Is my marriage in trouble? I was beyond hurt.

Amy says: Your husband's comment was failed and thoughtless, but unless there are other things going on, being devastated by it seems out of proportion.

Let's recap: The line, "What kind of wife do you have? A lucky one" is one of those unfunny passively insulting comments that pop up in bad sitcoms. You seem to interpret this as high praise, but I'd emphasize that the "lucky wife" is actually a reference to how awesome the husband is.

You made a "bid" to your husband. I assume you wanted him to say, "I'M the lucky one," or extend a proportional and loving bid to you.

Maybe he misses all the bids. But the way to respond is to talk about it. If you often feel overall devalued by large or small things he does (or doesn't do), you two should make a good-faith effort to reset your relationship.

Twenty years is a long time. Your question is proof of how many opportunities we have to respond with kindness, humor and love. It's actually so easy to make another person feel good. I hope you will point this out to your husband.