Ask Amy: Family faces unique form of cabin fever

Dear Amy: Our five family members share ownership of a remote summer cabin. By agreement, each member can stay there up to two weeks a year — supposedly.

Eighteen months ago, our brother became unemployed, unhoused, and has been staying in the house year-round, reluctantly leaving when the other partners go for their annual vacation time.

He has not offered to do maintenance projects in lieu of rent, and the house and grounds have fallen into disrepair. Furthermore, he has three dogs that are not house trained. When we go "to open the cabin for the season," we end up throwing away rugs, pillows, deodorizing furniture and cleaning up our brother's and his dog's messes. Our brother has hoarding tendencies.

He does not reply to our emails or phone calls, and when we try to deal with him in person, he becomes very defensive and brings up childhood slights rather than discussing the current situation.

Because he refuses to even have a conversation about the situation, we are almost at the point of wanting to sell the summer place so we don't have to take on our brother's messes and behavior. But it would be a shame to lose our vacation cabin that we and our children have enjoyed for over 60 years.

Do you have any suggestions?

Amy says: If this property is jointly owned by your five family members with no specific leadership structure, then you are going to need consensus — as well as the assistance of a lawyer to sort through your options.

Unfortunately, because your brother is a part-owner of the property, it might prove impossible to evict him. If he doesn't agree to sell the property, you and your siblings would have to go to court to try to force a sale.

Dear Amy: A friend of mine, "Lynn," passed away two months ago after battling cancer for over two years. She and her husband, "Andy," moved to our city five years ago, and Lynn and I became fast friends.

I'm struggling to figure out how I can be supportive of Andy. He's an active 70-year-old, and he obviously has a lifetime of much closer friends, both here and in other cities.

It feels awkward to try to create a closer friendship with him, but I don't want to abandon him. Our husbands know each other because we've been guests in each other's home, but the primary friendship was between Lynn and me, so my husband will not be reaching out to Andy.

I don't want to burden Andy with "just checking in/thinking of you" text messages, and I don't know what is appropriate in this situation and what would be welcomed or appreciated by him.

He can accept or decline your overtures, and if he accepts, he might develop a friendship with you and your husband — or others in your circle.

Yes, this is awkward. Push through that feeling and reach out.