Ask Amy: Exiting with well-worn wisdom

Dear Readers: This is my last column. Since announcing my departure from writing this syndicated column, I have heard from scores of people across various platforms, thanking me for more than two decades of offering advice and wishing me well in my “retirement.” I am very touched and grateful for this outpouring of support.

I don’t think of this as retiring. My intention is to move on and to do other meaningful work.

Writing this column has given me a glimpse into thousands of lives. The insight I have gained has inspired and empowered me to listen to my own counsel, to be authentic in my actions, and to — basically — be in charge of my own life, as much as possible.

Showing myself the door at this moment reflects the privilege of good health, strong relationships, years of steady employment and some prudent financial choices. I’m very aware of how lucky I am.

On my last day communicating with you in this way, I feel compelled to try to sum up my experience by offering some lasting wisdom, but I’ve got no fresh insight. Everything I know has been distilled from wisdom gathered elsewhere.

Boxer Mike Tyson famously said, “Everybody has a plan, until they get punched.” Punches are inevitable. But I do believe that I’ve learned some universal truths that might soften the blows.

They are:

• Be gentle with yourself — and with others.

• Lead with kindness, and recognize kindness when you receive it.

• Reserve your harshest judgment. Sit on your worst thoughts about other people and consider the consequences before expressing them.

• Be of service by finding something, or someone, to take care of.

• Find creative ways to express your feelings.

• Ask for forgiveness.

• Refuse to be defined by the worst things that have happened to you.

• Recognize even the smallest blessings and express gratitude.

• Be kind to receptionists, restaurant servers, dental hygienists and anyone who needs to physically touch or serve you in order to do their job.

• Understand that there are times when it is necessary to give up.

• Identify, develop and explore your core ethical and/or spiritual beliefs.

• Recognize and detach from your own need to control someone else.

• Respect boundaries — yours and others’.

• Seek the counsel of people who are wiser than you are. Ask their advice, and listen.

As for the last statement, I need to offer my thanks to friends and colleagues, including Jim Warren, who found me; Ann Marie Lipinski, who hired me; Steve Mandell, who represented me, and editors Mary Elson, Bill O’Connell and Carrie Williams. Thank you to “Gentleman Jack” Barry, who softened my exit.