Dear Amy: I have been divorced for two years. I frequently see my two young daughters, and remain on decent terms with my ex.
Several friends have chosen to "side" with my ex-wife. There was no side to take. I believe our divorce was our business and not theirs. But they have intimated that they do not want to be around the person (me, allegedly) who caused the failure of the marriage.
While I recognize that they are free to choose, in an angry moment, I unfollowed all of them on social media. But now I miss keeping up with their families and lives, even through a screen.
I've considered writing each of them an e-mail or letter, wishing them well and asking that we reconnect. Is that the best course of action, or should I let sleeping dogs lie?
Amy says: These people are all thoroughly out of your life at this point, and because of that, there is no downside to you reaching out. Either they accept your bid and let you in, or they continue to respect their "unfriended" status.
I do detect a certain tone in your query, however. Based on your description, it sounds as if you left the household and your wife is now the primary parent raising the children.
Given those details, plus the fact that you abruptly broke off contact with these people, you are behaving like a protagonist who is now reckoning with the consequences of the choices he has made.
Yes, after a divorce, friends do choose sides, and while that seems cowardly, they often choose to identify with the parent who has the kids, especially if the friends also have children and there is a strong social history between the families.
