Ask Amy: Donated clothing is source of chaffing

Dear Amy: Some time ago, I gave my good friend "Cheryl" some very expensive designer clothes I thought she would like, but they were too big for her.

With my permission, she showed them to a couple of other people I know, one of whom took them, apparently with delight.

My friend told her that I didn't want money for the clothes, but she suggested a bottle of wine would be a nice thank-you.

I have seen this woman in passing many times and not one word of thanks has been given.

It shouldn't bother me, but it does, so I was thinking of telling her the reason I'm ignoring her. Should I just let it go? By the way, I don't like her anyway!

Amy says: When you willingly surrendered these items, they ceased being yours.

Because these clothes came through an intermediary, there is a remote possibility that this recipient does not realize that the clothes originated with you.

The next time you see this person, approach her and say, "Cheryl told me she passed along some of my clothes to you. I'm wondering how they're working out?" Depending on how she answers, you can add: "It was hard to say goodbye to things I love. I was glad they landed in a good home, but honestly, I'm disappointed that you never acknowledged it or thanked me."

Dear Amy: I am a 30-year-old wife, happily married to "Randy."

We are decorating our new home in preparation to start a family. I've been very busy at work. My mother-in-law, "Kathleen," offered to help with the house.

I'm very grateful. However, when I got home from work last week, I discovered that Kathleen had decorated an entire wall of our bedroom with close to 20 photos of Randy's life. This includes six photos of his wedding to his ex-wife, "Sharon" and from their life together.

I acted out and called her immediately. Kathleen and Sharon are still very close, so I see why she included her on the wall, but it still makes me very uncomfortable.

Amy says: The only thing you did wrong was to "act out" and yell at your mother-in-law on the phone. I understand your reaction, but you invited her into this task, and when dealing with an in-law, you should think first and act later, when you are calm and more in control.

In short, in the future, try not to lose it.

Unlike you, I don't get why your mother-in-law chose to include your husband's ex on the wall of your bedroom. That is a strange choice. Exes have no place in the bedroom.

At the least, her choice was in questionable taste. At the most, it was an aggressive maneuver.

It's your house. Rather than yell at your mother-in-law about this choice, you could have taken down the photos and placed them in a closet to be dealt with later. If you'd have been more in control, you could have stated: "Kathleen, thank you for your help with the house. I appreciate it. But the only wedding photos I'm going to display in our bedroom are my own."