Ask Amy: Divorcée sees risk in new relationship

Dear Amy: I ended a long and terrible marriage with an addict a couple of years ago.

The marriage was over for a long time before that, but because of debt and the pandemic, it took us a lot longer than I wanted for the marriage to finally be done. By the end, it was like a prison sentence.

Throughout that process and for a couple years afterward, I spent time working on being a stronger, independent person — both for myself and for my daughters.

Recently I started dating again. I met a few very nice men, but I didn't really connect. I was happy being single.

But then I met a man who really got to me. We've been seeing each other for about a month. I'm smitten.

My problem now is that I'm so attracted to him and so scared of being hurt that I want to break up before that happens. It's a very scary place to be.

I have a therapist who advises me to just have fun, but I'm getting more scared as time goes on. I want to run and hide.

Amy says: First of all, this is not "silliness." For you, fully engaging in a relationship reveals your extreme vulnerability. This is the ongoing consequence of your previous experience.

Your therapist's advice to "just have fun" is positive and logical. But if you are becoming more afraid of moving forward in a relationship, then your therapist should encourage you to confront and explore your fear.

And in my opinion, your fear also is completely logical. If you've been in prison, you want to avoid incarceration in the future.

Being smitten is such a great feeling to have, but the feeling brings forth a realization of what a great risk it can be to fall for someone. My advice is to do your best to move forward in this relationship, but to try to view it as part of your process rather than the terminus of your search for happiness with a new partner.

Pay attention to your instincts. The right partner for you will hear your story, accept your challenges and move forward at a pace that still feels thrilling, but is more comfortable for you.

I am invited to the baby shower, but I feel uncomfortable because I barely know the daughter and will not know anyone at the shower except my friend.

I believe invites to the shower should be for family and friends of the expectant mother. Is it proper to be invited to a shower where you do not know the person?

Amy says: It sounds as if the prospective grandmother is trying to spread out her own joy by including at least one of her own friends in the shower guest list.

Baby showers seem to have grown from being modest affairs hosted in someone's living room to full-blown "events."

I can't comment on whether it is "proper" for you to be invited to this shower. It is, however, proper to respond promptly to an invitation, expressing your appreciation for the invitation, as well as your polite regrets: "Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it, but congratulations, Grandma! I hope everyone has a great and joyful time."