Ask Amy: Dad complains that kids changed his relationship

Dear Amy: My spouse has changed so much. As parents of two young children, we are pretty good partners. Unfortunately, that is the only thing we are now.

She no longer cares about us as a couple and has only enough bandwidth for our kids. Everything else comes second.

Our sex life is literally dead.

I love my children deeply and have no desire to end our parenting partnership (for their sake), but the "adult woman" I married is just not there anymore — there is only "mom." I have made my complaints known to her in a way that is not hurtful, but she just does not see it as a priority.

Out of curiosity, if your husband were to say this to you, what would your response be?

Amy says: I can't answer that question definitively because that never has happened. My first marriage just quietly and suddenly ended, rather than either partner being brave enough to talk about it beforehand.

So, I'd have to toss this back to you, suggesting that you might frame your longings less as "complaints" posed to your wife and more as your sincere yearning to continue to be with her in an intimate and private adult relationship, while transitioning to what can be an extremely fulfilling role as parent.

A brief break from the kids can work wonders, whether it is a weekly "date night" or a weekend away from them. When was the last time you (not your wife) arranged for a sitter or made plans with a friend or family member to have the kids for an overnight?

Dear Amy: When I send sympathy cards, sometimes I get a thank you card in response. Is this a requirement?

I did not send thank you cards to the few people who reached out to me after my aunt (whom I took care of for many years) died last September, but I did very much appreciate their kindness. My mother is very elderly, so I may be facing this situation again soon.

Amy says: Sending a thank-you note to someone who has sent a sympathy card is truly next-level loveliness, and I admire any grieving person who manages to do it.

If a person makes a memorial donation in your loved one's name, a note acknowledging it is "required." Aside from that, it is thoughtful and kind to acknowledge receipt of a sympathy note through a text, e-mail or call. It is always gratifying to know that these messages have been received and read.