Ask Amy: Come clean about family's dirty laundry?

Dear Amy: I am a 56-year-old woman. When I was growing up, my father had an affair with "Sarah," our next-door neighbor. This affair lasted for many years. Everyone in my family (my mom, brother and myself) knew about it.

My dad and Sarah are dead. My mother is 87, has some dementia, and seems to have forgotten everything about this, which is good.

My question is: At the time, I was very close to "Annie," Sarah's daughter. During all of those years, I said nothing to her. Now, I see Annie and her sister's photos on Facebook, and I have a hankering to contact them to ask if they were aware of this affair.

Their father is still alive.

What would be the point of this? If they do not know about this, then why would I want to hurt them by telling them?

I'd appreciate your take on this.

Amy says: If "the point" of an action isn't evident, you shouldn't do it.

I tend to believe that we all might as well know the truth. However, I also feel strongly that some things just aren't our business. Do you have the right to dive into your next-door neighbors' marriage?

You could connect with your childhood friend on Facebook and attempt to re-establish a relationship without spilling the beans to see if Annie makes the first move.

Dear Amy: I have been singing my entire life. I started out in the choir at my church and was often asked to lead songs. I experienced a racing heart and sweating during such performances, but I figured it was normal nervousness.

It wasn't until I became an adult that I realized that I suffer from severe anxiety about singing in front of people. Over the past few years, my anxiety has peaked.

I have been asked to sing at several weddings. I drink myself under the table at every wedding I sing at because the anxiety causes so much stress.

Amy says: Here's a tip: The more words you use to explain yourself, the more openings you will create, which people will plow through.

Don't offer reasons. Be gracious, polite, and consistent. An example:

They: "Will you sing at your niece's wedding?

You: "It's sweet of you to ask, but I'm retired from singing in public."

You could do them a favor and suggest another singer — but that will not be your problem to solve.