Ask Amy: Breaking smartphone not a smart idea

Dear Amy: My teenage daughter recently announced that she needed a new smartphone. Hers was basically smashed. She said she was at her friend's house when this happened.

The friend's mom told me that both girls had deliberately broken their phones in order to get new ones. This was before Christmas, so I guess they were hoping to find a shiny new phone in their stockings.

I asked my daughter what had happened, and she said, "It just fell onto the driveway." She didn't seem too concerned about it. I asked her if she had done this on purpose, and she said no.

My wife and I can't decide what to do now. My wife is in favor of getting her a new phone, but I don't want to reward this behavior. What do you suggest?

Amy says: Unless you have purchased insurance, replacing this broken phone could be a very expensive proposition (insurance is also expensive, and there is a deductible to replace a broken or lost phone).

I do believe that it is something of a safety issue for a teenager to have a phone these days, and because of that, she should have one. However, you can offer to purchase a much less expensive phone for her to use until she can afford the phone she wants.

I think it's important that your daughter should ultimately pay for the replacement — or negotiate a partial payment with you. Experiencing the consequences of this incident should inspire her to be much more careful.

A while back, I found out that she did something horrible to a family member of mine, and I was furious. I didn't speak to her for several months and started to make plans to confront her about what she had done.

Before I was able to confront her, she found out that her boyfriend flirted with me. Yes, he did flirt with me, but I just ignored him and didn't say anything to her about it.

Now she blames me for all the emotional turmoil she is going through. This is absurd! Should I confront her about it?

Amy says: I'm going to go out on a limb and declare that you and Patricia are not actually best friends, and perhaps never have been. Intimate friends tell one another the truth — even when it is challenging or painful to do so.

You state that she did a horrible thing to a family member of yours, and yet you ghosted her for months instead of communicating about this incident.

It seems obvious that at this point, your friendship is broken. Given that so much time has passed and that you have no stated desire to try to repair the relationship, dredging up these episodes might just create yet another point of conflict.

I understand the desire to set the record straight when it comes to your conduct and whatever untruths are told about you. If you decide to do this, remember that anything you say or write can be dredged up and used against you (or as a way to keep this conflict going) on social media. You should make your decision understanding the possible ongoing negative consequences for you.