Ask Amy: Bestie's betrayal may end friendship

Dear Amy: My best friend of many years, "Alexis," dated married guys for years of her young adult life, basically pulverizing several marriages.

Last week I learned during a group dinner that Alexis had an affair with my former boyfriend "Sam" during the time he and I were together. It sounds like their affair lasted for several months.

To be honest, I am less mad at him and absolutely furious with Alexis. This feels traitorous. After I asked her about the affair, she downplayed it. She attempted to gaslight me by saying that I was jealous and overreacting.

My biggest take-away: I watched her wreck other relationships, but never thought she would harm me.

If Alexis had apologized and asked for forgiveness, I'd definitely get there, but she says she has nothing to apologize for, is being flippant with me and saying that I must be a nutcase, because this was long ago and no longer is worth discussing.

Where do I go from here?

Amy says: You should go to your room, car, treadmill, favorite coffee shop — or any place where you go to lick your wounds, ponder the events of your life and attempt to make sense of things.

You've also identified your own hubris in believing that this best friend would carom her way through other relationships and marriages like the giant boulder in "Raiders of the Lost Ark," while also believing that you, like Indiana Jones, could somehow successfully outrun her.

Best friends trust one another. You were not wrong to trust Alexis. She is the one at fault here.

No one gets to brand an upset and struggling person as a "nutcase" without consequences. Once you clarify your own feelings, you'll decide what those consequences will be.

Dear Amy: After they had arrived at our home for a scheduled visit of several days' duration, our friends told us about a bedbug infestation in their apartment.

I think it was rude and inconsiderate not to give us a warning before their arrival so we could decide whether we wanted to risk the visit.

Amy says: I don't know if this is a friendship-ender — that's up to you. But I completely agree with you that these friends should have given you advance notice — and lots of reassurance that this infestation had been dealt with.

Unfortunately, bedbugs seem to travel aboard soft-sided suitcases and duffel bags. They can live for up to a year.

Now that I (and scores of readers) are experiencing a case of sympathetic itching, I highly suggest that you do some research on how to check for bedbugs and perform a thorough scan of your home.

Dear Amy: My wife and I eat out at restaurants frequently. I know the waitstaff rely on tips as part of their compensation, and I am a generous tipper. I rarely give less than 30% of the bill and have gone as high as 50%.

I think this should be acknowledged by the server. But my wife says it is my choice to tip generously and I should not expect a thank-you. What's your take on this?