Dear Amy: I am an atheist. In recent years, I have been working on becoming more honest about religious activities I would prefer not to attend. (They make me very uncomfortable.)
I used to tell lies to preserve people's feelings when I didn't want to attend a baptism or other religious event. Now that I'm in my 50s, I want to be more honest.
A friend invited me to her twins' Bar-Mitzvahs. This is a tough one. I am not particularly close to these twins, but the mother's friendship means a great deal to me.
Can you think of an honest but kind way to bow out respectfully?
This friend is likely to ask me why I am not going, and I am leaning toward giving her a more honest answer because our friendship (I hope) is strong, and I think it would feel more respectful to have her know the truth.
Amy says: The honest and kind way to bow out respectfully would be to RSVP: "I'm so sorry I can't attend, please pass along my congratulations to the twins. Now, they are men!"
When you are declining an invitation, you don't need to supply a reason. If your friends press for one, you can say, "As you know, I'm an atheist. I don't attend religious ceremonies. I realize this is extremely important in your family, but I need to decline. But I'm also very honored by the invitation."
Sister's beau a no-go
Dear Amy: My sister is dating a man that I don't care for. They are a toxic brew. They drink and have big fights.
