Ask Amy: Adult sons need to finish growing up

Dear Amy: We have three sons. They are grown, successful and professional, with equally successful wives.

When they come to stay with us, they use our cars, eat what we prepare and never offer to reciprocate. I think they should offer to take their father and me out for a meal or otherwise reciprocate, but this feels like it would be an awkward conversation. Do you have any advice?

Amy says: Yes, this might be awkward, but many powerful insights have been delivered by people brave enough to initiate an awkward conversation.

Because your sons don't seem to have quite completed their childhoods, I suggest that you take this next step as a vital parenting lesson you have yet to impart.

Here's the message: "Guys, it's time to step up. Now that you're all adults, we really do expect you to reciprocate when we host you. We are happy to have you come home, but it's time for you to take some of the burden off of us and assume it for yourselves. We would appreciate it if you'd at the very least treat us to a lunch or dinner out while you're home."

Dear Amy: My wife and I bought a condo in downtown Chicago a couple of years ago. We often are not there and have offered its use to friends and family. Our only request is that guests leave the condo tidy when they depart. This includes washing the sheets for the beds they've used and remaking the beds.

We have a washer/dryer in the unit, but my sister does not like doing this, so she brings a single twin-sized flat sheet and a pillowcase with her. She puts the sheet on top of the flat sheet on the king-sized bed.

What do you think?

Amy says: I once had a well-traveled houseguest bring two sheets and a pillowcase, which she simply slipped over the linens that were on the bed. She then removed her sheets and remade the bed at the end of her stay. I think that's a great hack.

But your sister doesn't bring two sheets. And you and your wife have made your house rules extremely clear and easy to follow. So — your reaction to her behavior also should be very clear and easy to follow: "You can't seem to follow what we've asked you to do at the end of your visits, so you're going to have to find somewhere else to perch during your trips to Chicago."

Dear Amy: I wonder if you'd consider a different viewpoint regarding your advice to the woman worried because her 17-year-old grandson's parents allowed him to drink at home in an effort to normalize drinking before college.

I grew up in a country where it was common for older teens to drink at home. When I arrived in the States in 1974 to attend college, I was horrified to see how my classmates drank themselves into a stupor.

Amy says: Thank you for offering your perspective.