Ask Amy: Adult gamers should log off their kids

Dear readers: Every year I step away from my column briefly to work on other projects. I'll be back next week. Today's "best of" topic from 10 years ago concerns video gaming.

Dear Amy: My husband and my father are both video gamers. A new version of their favorite game just came out, and I became aware that it is rated M-Mature by the Entertainment Software Rating Board.

The two men believe it is perfectly acceptable for our 6- and 4-year-old boys to watch and play this game. I equate an M rating as equivalent to watching an R-rated movie and am insistent that the boys cannot watch or play this game.

They are arguing that the kids have played previous versions that also were rated M (unbeknownst to me), therefore no harm is being done. I am being accused of being controlling.

The kids also are angry at me for pulling the plug. Am I overreacting? Should I allow limited playing?

Amy says: Did your husband and father start their recreational lives as young children playing violent video games intended for adults? I'm going to guess not.

I presume that when they were children, they exercised their imaginations and bodies the old-fashioned way — out in the backyard, on the ball field or down the block in the park. Don't they want the same for these kids?

It would be great if your kids had a dad and granddad who cared enough about them to get off the couch and take them outside to engage in play that is truly interactive. The number of letters I receive from parents of teens and young adults (mostly male, frankly), anguished over the hours, money and effort spent on video gaming would persuade any parent to delay this activity — or at least make sure it was age-appropriate.

These adults, who are basically co-opting the kiddies in order to do battle with you, are also providing an example of adolescent gamesmanship. The kids should be left entirely out of this while the adults hash things out.

For more information on the Entertainment Software Rating Board's rating system (including helpful tips on how families can discuss this important issue), check ESRB.org. The site includes information on how to install parental controls on various branded gaming systems.

It sounds as if you could use some "grandparental" controls, too. (June 2012)

Dear Amy: My husband and I both are gamers. We have always had a rule that the kids may not watch or play M-rated games. We feel that if we let them break this rule, it sets a precedent to break others.

Because breaking the rules means loss of computer privileges, they are motivated to behave.

Our kids are now teenagers and have been using the computer since they were 3 years old. They have complained that we are keeping them out of the social loop, but we have stuck to our guns, and they have always found alternate games to play. We have even found several games that the whole family finds enjoyable to play.

Amy says: You have the fortitude to say "no" to something and to stick with it. Good for you! You win. (June 2012)