Ask Amy: A crash course in bad driving

Dear Amy: How do I tell my best friend that I don't like going anywhere with her if she insists on driving?

"Mildred" and I were best friends throughout childhood. We went our separate ways after high school but stayed in touch over the years.

I retired last year and moved back to my hometown area, where she also lives.

I quickly found out that her driving makes me a nervous wreck. She can't seem to hold the steering wheel steady, and is constantly swaying the car from side to side, just enough to jostle us around. Also, she's constantly speeding up and slowing down.

When we reach our destination, I'm a nervous wreck!

I have tried politely asking her to let me drive, and she gets upset. I don't want our friendship to be affected because of this, but I am at my wits' end and feel that if I tell her the truth, it would hurt her feelings.

Amy says: An estimated 45 million Americans are senior drivers — and this number is rising as boomers become seniors and seniors become elders.

If you or she are physically on the frail side, even a minor fender bender where the airbag deploys could be dangerous.

I'm not trying to add to your anxiety, just point out that your concerns likely are legitimate. You could tell her, "Mildred, I'm a nervous wreck when I ride with you. I'm happy to drive when we go out, but if you don't want to let me drive, I'll meet you at our destination."

Framing the issue in this way lets both of you know that your feelings are just as important as hers.

Dear Amy: My husband recently passed away, and I am adhering to his wishes by not having a funeral service. I am fine with that, but apparently his family isn't.

His family has quizzed me and our adult son about what my plans are. I am going to hold an informal celebration of life sometime this fall.

I feel bad for his family because I don't think they are getting the closure they desire. I'm not sure how to handle this except to tell them that I am abiding by my husband's wishes. Do you have any other ideas?

Amy says: Providing the preferred method of closure for your late husband's family is not your responsibility. Honoring his wishes and taking care of yourself is your responsibility.

Plan your celebration, let all of your in-laws know, answer any questions they have, and then move forward.