Anxious about going back to work? First relearn the art of talking to humans

If you're headed back to the office for the first time in two years, do you remember how to talk to people?

A refresher in social mores might be in order this month as legions of Minnesota workers re-emerge in the workplace. Last summer when I dipped into the office to take care some of in-person business, it was still COVID quiet. Desk calendars were still stuck on March 2020.

As soon as a few colleagues stopped by my cube, I was so overjoyed that my mouth fumbled the words.

"It's so good to see you," was what I meant to say.

Instead, it came out, "I love you!"

So yes, a lot of us are out of practice. A Pew survey found that 59% of respondents were still working from home all or most of the time when the poll was conducted in late January. Psychologist Samantha Sorensen said a number of clients tell her they're approaching the return to the office with both excitement and trepidation.

"A lot of people are talking about just feeling awkward," said Sorensen, who works at M Health Fairview. "They say, 'I don't know how to have a conversation with people anymore.' "

She likens social skills to riding a bike. In the cobweb-filled recesses of your brain, you haven't lost everything you think you've forgotten.

"At one time, you probably enjoyed it," she said. "You may feel a little rusty, you may feel a little wobbly. But if you can get back out there and get a little more experience, you'll likely be able to pick up where you left off."

But how? Sorensen offers the following tips on how to confront your back-to-work anxiety and re-engage with your colleagues:

Acknowledge the awkwardness

Imagine seeing a co-worker you haven't seen for two years. Like me, you might feel genuine affinity for your colleagues — and a certain exhilaration over interacting with them again. Do you hug them? Shake hands? Fist bump? We've been trained for the past two years to keep our distance, and it's usually not obvious how someone wants to be greeted.

In that moment of awkwardness, go ahead and name it. Sorensen likes to say, "I'm relearning how to do this," or, "It's OK, we'll figure it out."

There's a good chance the other person is thinking the same thing. By recognizing that we are all feeling socially oafish these days, you might help put your colleague at ease, too.

Ask why you're dreading it

Many of Sorensen's clients prefer remote work because it better suits their personalities, lifestyles or family obligations.

Others, especially those most vulnerable to infection, are experiencing anxiety about returning to indoor group settings in a pandemic. Sorensen recommends asking for clarification from your employer on the requirements of on-site work. Will people be wearing masks and distancing? Can you work part time from home? Ask if there are accommodations for vulnerable people, especially if the work setting has policies that are different from your doctor's recommendations.

Find out if there are less-populated parts of the office to work in, or if you can work a less-busy shift.

If you need to be in person, "it can be helpful to talk with trusted colleagues about your concerns and what your behavior may look like," she said. "For example, let your colleagues know that while you enjoy their company, you may not be joining them in the lunchroom for lunch."

If the job is not a good fit

You might be hesitant to go back to work because of the organization itself. If you're in a toxic work environment or experiencing harassment or constant microaggressions, take a step back — and take stock to see how they are affecting you.

Sorensen says people from marginalized communities in particular might be worried about facing microaggressions in the office again. For example, women in corporate America are more likely than men to experience being interrupted when speaking — and the rate is even higher for Black and Asian women, women with disabilities and LGBTQ women, according to a 2021 report from McKinsey & Co.

If the prospect of returning to the office has you questioning if you will be heard and respected, Sorensen advises examining how you approached work when you were in person — would you do anything differently now? Are your managers open to having more conversations about their structure and culture?

"I think it's been a concern, whether we are in a pandemic or not," Sorensen said. "If people had a reprieve and then now they're having to go back, I think it just brings it back to awareness."

If you've never met your colleagues before

What if you're someone like me, who started a job remotely during the pandemic and are about to share office space with your co-workers for the first time?

It's possible you might end up feeling "new" for a lot longer — and possibly less connected to your co-workers than if you had started the job in person, Sorensen said. She suggests spending energy on building relationships to increase that sense of community at work.

Maybe that means spending some one-on-one time with colleagues and sharing more about yourself. Also, be patient. The workplace might not look exactly like what you had previously, but "that does not mean it will not be as good as what you had previously," she assured me.

Practice now

If you're just anxious about getting back on the bike of social skills, try making small talk in low-risk situations. Maybe you're waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store or Target. Keep things light and playful. "If you do have an awkward encounter, it's not the end of the world," Sorensen said.

But learn from me. Don't blurt out, "I love you" — unless the woman next to you in line happens to be your mom.