Dear Amy: My daughter, 23, had severe alcohol dependency two years ago. She went through rehab and remains sober. She is under the care of a psychiatrist who only adjusts her various medications. In going off alcohol, however, she turned to food and has become truly obese.
She will not or cannot do anything about it on her own. Her long-term boyfriend enables her eating disorder. We have brought up the issue, gently, on two occasions, but she says she is working on it and won't discuss the issue. My wife and I are concerned about her physical and mental health, but we do not know what to do. If you have any advice on how we might help this wonderful young woman, we would be most grateful.
Amy says: It sounds as if you have been very supportive and successful in urging your daughter toward recovery. However, it is her responsibility to do the hard work every single day to stay sober and manage her health.
Addicts have a tendency to find enablers. At 23, your daughter may not have the maturity to understand her own motivations fully, but she must take responsibility for her actions. If she says she's working on her weight issues, then you should believe her. Some of her meds may be triggering her weight gain; urge her to get a medical checkup.
I hope she is participating in regular group recovery meetings; support meetings should be a part of her life for the foreseeable future.
And, speaking of meetings, you and your wife need to get yourselves to Al-Anon. Through Al-Anon you will learn to support her sobriety, point her toward help when she asks for it and understand and accept your own limitations. Check al-anon.alateen.org for online support and a local meeting.
Late to dinner
Dear Amy: We invited our daughter, her husband and kids and her in-laws to dinner for 5:30. My daughter called to say they were running a little late. About 6 p.m., just minutes before they were due to arrive, my husband became enraged and ordered me to call them and cancel. (I didn't.)
When they arrived, my husband locked himself in our bedroom and refused to see anyone. He said they had been disrespectful. He wouldn't even say hello to our two grandchildren.
