Amy says: It's best to MYOB about in-law's wardrobe

Dear Amy: My mother-in-law dresses in clothes that are too tight or too short. The clothes aren't revealing, necessarily, but they don't flatter her at all. They make it look like she has absolutely no sense of style. I feel bad for her.

I know that she thinks she looks good in these clothes, but I also know that she would want to know if something looked bad on her.

The problem is, I have absolutely no idea how to broach the subject. She's an extremely sensitive person, and I have trouble talking to her about anything even remotely serious. I have made her cry on occasion just for bringing something up that other people wouldn't think twice about.

Should I tell her what I think? If so, what should I say?

Amy says: Your mother-in-law does not dress for you. She dresses for herself. She no doubt chooses her clothing with some care, and she likely believes she looks good in what she has chosen to wear.

So you should respect her taste and her choices, and if she likes the way she looks — you should understand and choose to tolerate it.

In short, stand down. If she asks you about her clothing, you should comment positively about a particular look you believe does flatter her.

One spouse in this couple is quite aggressive, vociferous and rude. At times I have been close to tears. I'm in a quandary as to how to approach this person to say that these nights have become unpleasant, and we'd like to extricate ourselves from "standing dinner dates."

I'd appreciate your advice on how to handle this.

Amy says: You need to transition to a relationship that is less loaded and more neighborly.

If you want to address this with a degree of honesty, you could say, "These dinners were a lifeline during the pandemic, but we've decided it's time to resume our pre-pandemic habits and not do these weekly dinners. It's just become too much."

Yes, this is only a degree of honesty. Paddle around in this polite vagueness. Because this spouse is particularly aggressive, it might be best not to directly confront them with your specific reasons.

Stopping these weekly gatherings might prove a relief to everyone. I hope you can resume a more neighborly relationship.

Dear Amy: It's nearly the time of year when my mother and sisters start pressuring me to provide a list of things I'd like for Christmas.

I know it's not the worst problem to have, but I dread everything about this tradition of obligatory gift-giving. I'm almost 40, live halfway across the country and haven't joined them for the holidays in nearly a decade.

All I want for Christmas is no presents from them. How can I get out of this without being a jerk?

Amy says: This year, when you are asked for your list, respond with your favorite charity or nonprofit. Tell your mother and sisters, "I don't want any material gifts at all, but it would truly make me happy if you decided to support this worthy cause instead."