Amy: Mother worries about daughter's bi guy

Dear Amy: My almost-25-year-old daughter is in a live-in relationship with a 36-year-old man who professes to be bisexual.

He didn't tell her this in the beginning or (in her words) she would have run. In my view, just because this person is saying, "I am committed to you" doesn't change the fact that he lied to her.

I am frightened about her decision to maintain this relationship, and it has caused major stress in our relationship. My concerns are viewed as interference, so any advice would be appreciated.

Amy says: This disclosure shouldn't frighten you (or anyone). Of course, your daughter should get tested for STDs, but she should get tested regardless of her partner's sexuality identification.

Bisexuality might seem mysterious to you (and your daughter), but recent research has shown that sexuality identification for some people is a fluid process across a pretty wide spectrum. The fact that he is bisexual does not mean he is any more likely to be unfaithful in this relationship than if he identified as heterosexual.

I agree with you that he should have shared this information with her early in their relationship.

You may feel they've gotten off to a terrible start, but until your daughter makes a different choice, you can only try to accept that this is her life and she must live it, regardless of what you think.

We ended up with a 15-year-old boy. I feel he should not be left alone in the house after school for the four or five hours until we get home from work. I pick him up and bring him to our office or make arrangements for him to be with others after school.

My husband feels strongly that he would be fine at home alone and that I am being overly concerned and controlling. He cites his own experience as a boy to prove that I am wrong. Can you please weigh in on this?

Amy says: I can think of more enriching experiences for this boy than spending many hours alone in your house after school. I hope you can encourage involvement in as many after-school activities as possible, for his sake.

Trust him to behave well and verify that he is. You might want to shut down your home wireless until you get home from work, but a few hours alone might give him a break from the pressure of having to interact in another culture.

And because your husband understands the "boy thing," he should make an extra effort.