After 20 years, family is set to end memorial space camp scholarship

Above the kitchen doorway on the Boyum family's farm in Lakeville is the saying:

"Our family is a circle of strength and love. / Every joy shared / adds more love, / every crisis faced together / makes the circle / stronger."

Mary Ann and Paul Boyum suffered through the crisis of losing their 14-year-old son, Brad, 20 years ago, but they have found way to add love by invoking his memory and passion. Every year since he died, the Boyums have sent a ninth-grade student from Lakeville to the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, Ala.

But this -- the 20th year -- will be the last.

Mary Ann Boyum, 61, said her husband died of cancer in November and that they had already decided not to burden her children with carrying on the memorial. This year's winner will be announced on Thursday.

The Boyums came up with the idea of creating a living memorial for their son shortly after Brad died on Dec. 27, 1988. They wanted a memorial that would celebrate Brad's life as a gifted child who was fond of the sciences and space.

Brad's fascination started early: He received a telescope for his birthday when he was 3, his biggest fear was that George Lucas would die before the Star Wars series was complete and he went to space camp in 1987.

She said Brad, who tested in the top percentile of the SATs while still in middle school, wanted to return to space camp, so they decided to send a child in his honor.

"The basic idea behind the memorial was that other children benefited," she said. "I think we've gotten great comfort from the children we've sent."

Rachel Hurlbert, Brad's sister, said the most rewarding part has been the feedback the family has received from children who attend the camp.

Boyum said they rarely meet the students, but she choked up while recounting the more memorable responses she's received, such as an invitation to a graduation party.

"I almost didn't go, but I did go and didn't know a soul there," she said. "I introduced myself and the grandfather hugged me and cried; what a difference it makes in some children's lives."

Boyum is very candid about how Brad died: while experimenting with autoerotic asphyxia -- also known as the choking game -- a way of achieving or enhancing an orgasm while depriving oneself of oxygen. She wants other parents to know they should talk to their children about it and wishes someone would have warned her about it.

"It was a needless death that could have been prevented," she said.

Every year since Brad's death the Boyums have received applications consisting of letters from a student and parent. Some were hand-delivered, some came as special deliveries, and one arrived in a cone decorated as a rocket.

The Boyums take the application process seriously. Each year family members get together on their 110-acre farm and pore over the applications. They read and re-read each one but rarely discuss any before a decision is ready to be made, she said. Almost every year the decision has been unanimous.

Boyum said she has kept every letter, thank-you note and picture sent to her.

Deb Dunn-Silis, a science teacher at Lakeville South High School, tells the students about the memorial scholarship every spring.

"I always tell the kids it hasn't mattered who has gone," she said. "Jocks have gone, people who were real academic brains, and a girl who was in special education, every single one came back and loved it and wished they could go again. "

Dunn-Silis, who was one of Brad's favorite teachers, also makes sure to tell the students about the boy whose name is on the scholarship. She said Brad was popular, athletic, musically talented and very smart.

Brad's family plans to donate the money remaining in the memorial fund.