Afraid of the dark (and other fears of childhood)

The Halloween decorations around the Primrose School in Woodbury are definitely more friendly than spooky; a pumpkin patch in the front yard was a big hit and classroom bulletin boards are festively decorated with bats, cats and harvest images.

The kids' costume choices are fairly tame, too. Tonya Holt, co-owner of the child-care and preschool program for children age 6 weeks through kindergarten, said she recently talked to "two Darth Vaders, a ninja and a few Buzz Lightyears" about their plans for Halloween, a holiday that she believes "intrigues kids more than it scares them."

Yet children have fears. One 5-year-old boy at Primrose recently stayed behind during a class field trip to a fire station. Initially he said he was afraid of sliding down the fire pole, but later admitted he was really worried about a siren going off .

"When kids are afraid, we always encourage them to talk specifically about what it is that makes them feel that way," Holt said. "We try to get to the root of the problem, but the fact is that sometimes no amount of reassurance from us will change their minds."

A variety of fears Steve Ruff, a marriage and family therapist with Lakewood Counseling Center in Richfield, said children's fears frequently depend on their age.

"Preschoolers can be fearful about being separated from their parents. Large animals, like dogs, can trigger fear. Many young children are also afraid of the dark," he said.

Elementary-age children tend to have fears tied to real life -- many are afraid of burglars, kidnappings or war. Some are afraid of their parents divorcing. The fear of a parent dying is also fairly typical for this age group since they are becoming more aware of life and death.

"Parents need to remember that it's important for them to stay calm themselves when they are talking to their kids about fear. If a parent is anxious, the child will pick up on that," said Ruff.

How to overcome it Helping a child to conquer a specific fear should be done gradually. For instance, if your child is afraid of dogs, the first step would be to observe a dog from a distance for as many times as necessary before approaching the animal.

"You don't want to do too much too soon because that can be traumatic," said Ruff. "You just want to give them a nudge to slowly face their fears. Parents tend to want to fix things for their kids right away, but this can be a process."

Helping kids develop coping skills to manage their fears can be beneficial: a flashlight next to the bed at night, a spray bottle filled with water (call it "anti-monster spray") or a special stuffed animal or toy may make a difference.

How can parents tell if a simple fear has become something more? If the fear seems to increase in intensity and is affecting the child in such a way that he or she cannot function, it is a good idea to seek professional help, Ruff said.