A high-sticking GOP

To: MomandDad@athome.com From: Joey@awayatcollege.com Date: 9/04/08 Subject: JW did you watch the convention? Mom,

I am SO pumped! The speeches last night at the Republican National Convention were freakin' awesome. Blew my mind really. Reminded me why I'm a proud to be American.

Iraq, oil prices, the economy, blah, blah, blah. Here's the thing that I like.

Watching Huckabee, Guiliani, and Sara Palin rip into the Obama last night was like watching caged dogs. With our guys (and girl) being the mean dogs and Obama being, like, a Schnoodle with a soft throat.

And she said she's a hockey mom, like a pit bull without lipstick. Now there's the kind of woman I'd like to bring home to you and Dad someday.

They talk about honor the way you and Dad always did. Remember my junior year when we played the Barracudas in the section finals? They got cheap, and the refs weren't calling penalties? I wanted to hit back? To do what you and Dad always told me to do and drive the butt of my stick up under a guy's ribs. Or back-check some guy so he takes a header into the boards.

You remember how coach wouldn't let us retaliate? So we lose? And coach gives us this totally gay talk after and says it's better to play and lose with honor, than to honor cheap play?

I mean, did you hear Guiliani and Palin drive Obamas head into the boards with their cracks about Obama being a "community organizer"? And Palin with her cracks about Obamas having written two books? And when Guiliani said that Obama's rise to fame could happen "only in America"? At first I got mad because I thought he easing up. But then the crowd laughed, and I realized that Guiliani was probably talking about affirmative action.

I love these guys.

But the Democrats won't punch back. I don't get it. Obamas even running around telling people to leave the pregnant daughter out of it. Can you imagine what Guiliani could do to the Democrats if THEY'D of picked Palin? Badgers in the aviary. Totally.

The guys and I were having fun with it last night in the dorm. OK, I'm being Guiliani now:

"It wasn't bad enough that Democrats spend money like a teenager. Now they want us to believe they have the maturity and judgment to lead the greatest nation? Great countries are lead with steady hands and cool heads. But they've picked a beauty queen, and they ask us to believe that being a small-town mayor and a first-term governor qualifies her to be president?

"At least Republicans don't think like teenagers under the influence of hormones. We stand for maturity and judgment. That's why you need to make sure you elect the man who is least likely to have more children: John McCain!!!"

?gotta run. Off to class. I'll text you later?

Joey