"24" Recap: The End

Yeah, that was good. Let's recap.

First Half of the first half:

Don't think Jack has ever made this many mortal threats against innocent people. If you twitch your right eyebrow, I will shoot you and the janitor. His life is in your hands. But he's not too far gone. After Jack makes Logan's flunky stitch up his wound at gunpoint - he could have cauterized it with his RIGHTEOUS ANGER, but WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME - he takes mercy on the flunky. The phrase "I have a family, I have a little girl" coming out in whimpering syllables penetrates the armadillo-plating over Jack's heart, and he settles for pistol-whipping the fellow into unconsciousness.

I know he has long-standing issues of betrayal and abandonment, but Jack's not the most sympathetic character right now.

Second Half of the first half:

President Taylor reminds the new girl on the block that there was a big plot point in the first half of this season - something about rods? Nasty rods with deadly tingly power that would have made Manhattan as uninhabitable in July as Manhattan in August? This is how it's played, sweetheart. You don't sign the treaty pledging our mutual love of mutual peace, I will expose how you tried to nuke us, and nuke you back.

At this point you suspect that the gift of the engraved pen doesn't mean as much as it seemed at the time.

Ah, the beauty of it all: counting on Twitchy McNixon's desperate, sweaty sense of self-preservation to maneuver Rooshian Preseedent - who is signing the treaty on behalf of the Pipple of Rooshia - into the crosshairs. Logan is already lining up the phrases he'll use to claim innocence. If I pee my pants it will look like I lost bladder control when he was shot, and that will make it look like I didn't know what was going to happen. Now, if I - hello, I've already lost bladder control. Had an unexpected delivery in the servant's entrance, too. Well, all the better.

First Half of the second half:

Logan isn't that good a liar. If he'd really wanted to cover up luring Yuri to his office, he would have grabbed his face and given him a big kiss and said he couldn't keep his true feelings hidden anymore. Love me, you big gruff bear! Love me Russian style!

03:08:00 Jack actually yells at Chloe that time is the thing of which they are running out. It's so sweet. It's like the Beatles playing "She Loves You" during their final rooftop concert.

This episode, incidentally, was brought to you by the Blue Camera Filter Setting. "Washing out skin tones since 1989."

Second Half of the second half:

Well, Logan is confident, which means everything is about to go to hell for the bad guys. This would be the point where President Madame President plunges the Symbolic Pen into Logan's eye socket . .

. . . waiting . . .

Dang. No, she signs off on Jack-whacking. Thus is her corruption complete. Unless she can be turned, somehow.

She must have totally pitted out that dress by now.

03:45:00 Sanitation to the former President's room, stat. Bring paint.

FINAL THOUGHTS

So America continues its string of Presidents who don't serve out their terms - five in a row, right?

Unlike Lost, which gave us Closure, "24" sets up the movie with Jack on the run - and I can't think of a 24 fan who'll complain about this. Hell, Logan's set up for a comeback in cyborg form.

The show began began as Jack Bauer, hero and protector, and ends - again - with Jack disgraced, on the run. Imagine if they'd saved that for the end, instead of spending that coin early on - the finale would have had more of a punch, but it would have seemed like a betrayal. The zeitgeist that made him a hero has evaporated; the needless cultural self-hatred that made Shadowy American Elements the true bad guys gave way to realpolitic and the belated recognition that the world is full of competing interests. But it all came down to a guy whose sense of duty runs so deep he still take the President's call when he knows she probably signed off on his assassination.