The artist formerly known as Commenter RandBallsStu, who is now Steve Neuman and was recently hired as a Digital Producer at MPR, wants to tell you a thing or two about the Wolves’ odds in tonight’s NBA Draft. Would you like to join him? Of course!
3-1: Wolves draft Stauskas, McMullen or Payne. Fans talk themselves into liking the pick.
5-1: Kevin Love is traded, Wolves acquire pick in addition to their own that’s below 13th. Draft whoever’s remaining out of Stauskas, McDermott or Payne. Fans talk themselves into liking the picks.
6-1: Kevin Love is traded, Wolves acquire pick in addition to their own that is higher than 13th. Joel Embiid falls to them, they draft him, and his foot falls off. Not a metaphor. It literally falls off, right on TV.
13-2: Wolves trade down. Whoever is taken at 13th becomes a 9-time All-Star. Wolves take somebody from the Euroleague who turns out to be a Russian spy from a newly reactivated Directorate S. Everyone goes to jail for treason.
15-1: Wolves sleep through draft. Longtime observers rate it as a top 5 draft for the franchise.
20-1: Wolves trade down twice. In addition to the 9-time All-Star at 13, the guy in the second slot ends up being a prototypical shooting guard. The Wolves select a grocery bag full of wet oatmeal. It leaks all over Adam Silver’s shoes on the stage. “We like its upside,” says a team source. Fans talk themselves into liking the pick.
28-1: Wolves pick LeBron James. “We’re confident a close examination of the draft rules say that you can draft a free agent,” says a team source. “At least we’re pretty sure. I’m gonna Google it just to be sure here, hold on…oh. Ooooooh, no. I’ll call you back.”
50-1: It involves a shark eating Ricky Rubio and the return of Ricky Davis and Mark Blount. The circumstances are unclear, but it involves the Spanish Prisoner scenario, stolen art from World War II and singer Taylor Dayne. Also: fire. Just so much fire.
100-1: Something good happens.