Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.
CP: Travel. The allure, the glamor, the excitement. The hotel.
RN: Or not. What is it about people who get inside a Hilton and start behaving as if they are in a particularly raucous episode of "Girls Gone Wild"?
CP: Uh-oh. You got stuck next door to a bunch of Keith Moon/Amy Winehouse re-enactors again?
RN: Yes. The ladies in the room next to us, primed with enough Cosmopolitans to fuel an entire season of "Sex and the City," chose 2:30 a.m. to conduct an impromptu drunken-cackle competition. Imagine my joy.
CP: I see Mr. Crankypants conducting a major scolding, your satin sleep mask pushed up onto your forehead. "Omigod, did you see that guy in 312? He's, like, really ticked off."
RN: No, I called the front desk and politely asked them to deal with it. They did, and fast, earning my eternal gratitude.
CP: At my Days Inn in Colorado, the doors are designed to slam shut with a clang reminiscent of Cellblock D at Sing Sing. A considerate guest could hold them so they close more quietly. But no.
RN: Yes, the door slam is right up there with the hallway shout-fest in terms of Bad Hotel Behavior. Where is the Wendy Ward Charm School when we need it?
CP: Curriculum choices at WWCS to include "Hotel Etiquette" and "Small Children: Don't Let Your Little Hyperactive Demons Ruin Things for Every Other Paying Guest."
RN: That would include parental refresher courses for airplanes, theaters, restaurants and other public spaces. Said the childless gay man.
CP: I never turned on my room TV on my recent three-night stay, but no worries: I was able to hear almost every word from the television in the neighboring room.
RN: Well, they somehow knew that you're a fan of "Amish Mafia," and they didn't want you to miss a minute of it. Thoughtful, really.
CP: Actually, it sounded like they were watching programming of the pay-per-view, adult-oriented, Amish-free variety.
RN: Ish. It could have been worse. You could have been sharing a wall with some enthusiastic headboard bumpers.
CP: There is something about a hotel that can bring out aberrant behavior. A small example: I use way more towels in a hotel than at home, just because they are there.
RN: Shame on you for putting a dent in the hotel's LEED certification. But I get what you're saying. I have a friend who uses hotel stays to shave his rather prodigiously hairy chest. "Why clog the drain at home?" is his attitude. Nice.
CP: Those poor room cleaners, right? Do you leave tips for the hotel maid?
RN: Always. Anyone picking up after a slob like me deserves a little extra.
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