Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.

RN: I just conducted an election among our readers, asking them to choose their favorite thing about our column. They could vote: A) me B) you or C) both of us. Thank goodness for instant runoff voting. In the first ballot, A won -- by a Reagan v. Mondale landslide -- but it was a dead heat for second place until IRV determined that C was the hands-down winner.

CP: Hmmm. My own informal poll at a Halloween party last weekend came up with a very different result, with my contributions to the column declared king and lord. A few people there also said things like, "Who is Rick Nelson, anyway?" Well, one person asked me that.

RN: My ex- was at your Halloween party?

CP: No. This guy was dressed as a top Twin Cities chef. And quite drunk.

RN: Typical.

CP: Seriously, though. This instant runoff is great. It can be applied to so many non-electoral rankings. I now may prove once and for all that I am my mother's numero uno among the four Peck siblings. Just like you and Judy.

RN: Please, like we needed a vote to verify either one of those contests. But think of the possibilities.

CP: I know. I'm a vodka tonic, a vodka martini, a vodka cranberry. I'm Almond Joy, Kit Kat, Snickers.

RN: They sound like your drag names. At least it's not "Fruit Roll-Ups."

CP: What about your top-three favorite ballets by Mr. B, in order?

RN: Come on, only three? OK, how about "Jewels," "Symphony in C" and "Stravinsky Violin Concerto." Wait, "The Four Temperaments," "Serenade" and "Mozartiana." Help, IRV.

CP: No one said it would be easy. They could have used this system in Afghanistan. Karzai would be driving a tractor by now. For giant election losers, is there much consolation in knowing you were third-most-liked? Are you going to launch your next campaign with the slogan, "I finished second last time!?" It's like when I ran for eighth-grade class president. And won secretary.

RN: Or when I won the role of "Attendant," a character so minor he didn't even merit a name, in my high school's production of "Dracula." Let's just say my attempt at a Cockney accent was even more wince-worthy than Dick Van Dyke's in "Mary Poppins."

CP: Oh, I'm sure your attendant was Tony-worthy. Not everyone can be a big star. Life is full of 2s and even lowly 3s. I have a friend who was actually color-coded as yellow in grade school, which I think meant "destined to become a chronic malingerer." But he hasn't let that get him down. He's viewed today as a model inmate.

RN: Kind of like some of those whose names have appeared on ballots.

E-mail: witheringglance@startribune.com.

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