I am, at present, sitting in the dark outside, typing on a laptop with 32 percent power. June bugs are divebombing the screen, which is like being attacked by angry severed thumbs.
The power went off for no apparent reason around 9:45 p.m. The nice robot lady on the phone at the juice factory says it will return at midnight.
I think they say that because that's the time all the clocks in the house will show when the power comes back on.
Right now I have enough batteries to move around the house without barking a shin on a table that seized this opportunity to change its position — no one's looking, this is our chance! Who's with me? Ottoman, you in? — but in the future I will not have enough batteries, because of recent changes to the Minnesota tax laws.
Let me back up. Earlier in the day, as if sensing the grid would collapse because a squirrel wondered what that wire tasted like, I checked the Home Emergency Preparedness kit. I'm serious. I noticed several things.
1. The windup radio would be better if it sang the public-disaster news to the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel."
A six-mile front is moving your way / the temperature will soon drop / straight-line winds will uproot your trees / Off goes your rooftop!
2. The emergency food supplies appeared to be put up during the days when you felt bad because you didn't have enough plastic sheets and duct tape. I'm here to answer the question "can jerky expire?" Eventually, yes. First hint: Does not look like meat, but a stiff 'n' moldy non-pliable fur-slab. Second hint: Really, you need a hint after that?