. . . because you didn't enable the firewall. The problem with the Internet of Things is its vague, infantile name. The other problem would be this, as Wired imagines:

I wake up at four to some old-timey dubstep spewing from my pillows. The lights are flashing. My alarm clock is blasting Skrillex or Deadmau5 or something, I don’t know. I never listened to dubstep, and in fact the entire genre is on my banned list. You see, my house has a virus again.

Technically it’s malware. But there’s no patch yet, and pretty much everyone’s got it. Homes up and down the block are lit up, even at this early hour. Thankfully this one is fairly benign. It sets off the alarm with music I blacklisted decades ago on Pandora. It takes a picture of me as I get out of the shower every morning and uploads it to Facebook. No big deal.

This is the future, so the “Facebook” reference may look like a “Blade Runner” Atari sign in a few years, but the author’s point will probably seem prescient by 2030. His main problem seems to be using Android, though; a patchwork of apps, malware, uncoordinated OS versions, and so on.

ART Here are 30,000 artworks you’ve probably never seen. I hate headlines like that, but it’s probably true, because they’re all in New Zealand. Like this:

”Achilles Frantic At the Loss of Patroclus, Rejecting the Consolation of Thetis.” Now online in high-res view. 30K works of art. Bless you, internet.

TREK Someone’s gathering the money to make a movie about the war between the Federation and the Klingons. Why? Because J. J. Abrams didn’t. Speaking of which, I really need to rematch “Into Darkness,” because apparently I was wrong when I enjoyed it. I’m supposed to dislike it and be mad.

In other news, here’s another of those fan movies that nail every detail. Never figured out why Paramount didn’t sue them into oblivion. It’s as if they’re so stunned by the breadth of intellectual-property theft they don’t know where to start.

Mind you, I’m glad Paramount doesn’t sue. It’s possible they understand that these are labors of love that enhance the property and keep it alive.

WUT Behold: literature-inspired sneakers from New Balance.

The result is an earthy set that channels a library-like aesthetic of leather bound books and the sort of tweed clad folks behind them. The group will be split into three parts – the “Bespoke Authors” collection featuring Horween lathered 997s in similar limited numbers, and then the “Distinct Authors” and “Connoisseur Authors” collections with a wider range of models.

Don’t miss the Chuck Bukowskis, which are splattered with heave.

VotD Escalator hijinx.

That's it for this week; have a fine weekend.