QI provide analytical support to another team in my company. They're good people, but we don't communicate very well. For example, once we've made a decision, they'll just keep discussing it, while I'm ready to move on to the next issue. How can we get on the same wavelength?
ADevelop your understanding of different communication styles to enhance your relationship with this group.
The inner game
Start by analyzing your issues with this team, reflecting back on recent meetings to recall when you became impatient or frustrated. Apart from dwelling on points that have been resolved, are there other points on which your styles differ? For example, you may be a big-picture thinker, while they need more detail.
Then look at your past management of these dynamics. Despite your best efforts, you may be showing your impatience or frustration. Even if it's subtle, it can damage your working relationships. Consider how your colleagues may be perceiving you in order to assess this; if possible, ask a team member for feedback.
Evaluate your knowledge about communication styles. If your knowledge is thin, you'll benefit from building it; it'll be of broad value for both work and personal relationships. Determine if your company has training resources available to help with this.
The outer game
To help get you started, here's a quick overview of a set of commonly used communication style descriptions (from "The Platinum Rule" by Tony Alessandra and Michael J. O'Connor). These are based on two categories: openness and directness. The combination of these yields four distinct communication types: the Director (closed and direct), the Socializer (open and direct), the Thinker (closed and indirect), and the Relator (open and indirect).
Think about yourself first. To what extent is building relationships and having social connections important in your work relationships? If it's not important, and you tend to gravitate toward facts rather than opinions, you're more in the "closed" arena. Assess whether you're more direct -- tending to get to the point, or more indirect -- also focused on background, context, etc. Then analyze the team, remembering that types are neither good nor bad.
Now, make a plan for your interactions with the team. Simply understanding the differences will help you be more accepting; however, it's also your responsibility to adapt your style to fit the team's. For example, if you know that team meetings will have more relationship-focused chatting and processing of alternatives than you prefer, adapt your agenda so that you have realistic expectations about what can be accomplished. You could also employ some of your Director style (clear meeting outcome expectations, time management of discussion) as long as you work with the team in advance to establish ground rules.
Also, if the team is amenable to it, you could open a conversation about communication styles; if it's an important working relationship, this would likely be of advantage to all. Try exploring this possibility with the team's leadership, focusing on the role it could have in building on your already successful dynamics.
The last word
Build your knowledge of communication styles; from there, you can use this knowledge to foster even more successful relationships.
What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, a credentialed coach and president of Reyer Coaching and Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com.