If Madonna can write a book, why can't she? How hard can it be, anyway?

It had better be a fantasy, because the young adult market doesn't want to read about exhausted girls who live on cigarettes and have so little body fat they look like they swallowed xylophones. No, this will be a magical world of excitement and glamour and fierceness:

And you thought we were kidding about the fierceness. If you're wondering how Harry-Potteresque this will be, here's a clue:

Intoxibellas. So they're magical creatures who were all tragically orphaned but they have the power to be FABULOUS and have perfect hair. But are they toxic? Or do they have the ability to intoxicate others? Or are they intoxicated every night because everyone knows vodka doesn't have any calories. I mean, it's clear. It can't have any calories.