Twins downplay latest Yankee Stadium failure

NEW YORK - Athletes in the midst of slumps are known to call their high school coaches. Or burn old uniforms. Or seek sports psychologists. Or sacrifice chickens.

The Twins, by now, know there is only one cure for their Bronx cheerlessness. They know who to call:

Charlie Sheen.

He's available for hire, and he at least claims to know the meaning of the word "Winning."

The Twins? They forget all about it once they cross the East River and enter the Bronx.

Monday night, the Yankees prevailed again, this time 4-3 at Yankee Stadium. Alex Rodriguez and Jorge Posada hit two-run homers off Twins starter Scott Baker in the first two innings, and the Twins failed to homer or build a big inning against Yankees rookie Ivan Nova.

The loss leaves the Twins 6-31 in the Bronx and 4-26 in the regular season here under manager Ron Gardenhire. The Yankees have won 14 of their past 15 home games against the Twins.

The Twins' problem is not that they lost on Monday night; it is that they failed to win so many winnable games over the past 10 seasons.

A decade of losing, under any circumstances, is not a slump. It is systemic failure. It is a collapse. It is a breakdown of the nervous system requiring sedation and a padded room.

Of course, an athlete's sedation is the solace of the familiar phrase.

"It's just another loss, like they usually are," right fielder Jason Kubel said. "We just need to keep going at it. Hopefully tomorrow, it works out better for us."

Does the history weigh on him?

Kubel said that with a smile, half-joking. The Twins are 1-3, and have three games remaining here.

Monday's well-played loss actually raises a question:

Are the Twins better off losing close games that require each player to ask what more he could have done, or losing blowouts that remove the burden of responsibility from the everyday players?

The Twins have tried both approaches. Neither seems satisfactory.

Monday's loss actually prevented the Twins from building a two-game regular-season winning streak. Last time they visited Yankee Stadium in a non-playoff game, Kubel hit a grand slam off Mariano Rivera, providing temporary relief -- like a cough drop, or a high-interest loan.

As such, it was a comfortable loss. The Twins never led, never pulled into a tie after Rodriguez's two-run vector into the left field bleachers in the first.

Pro athletes form an elite subset of society. Compared with the average American, they are strong, gifted, rich, cloistered, privileged.

They never seem more frail than when trying to explain persistent failure.

When you lose this much, words are meaningless. Joke, and you sound as if you don't care. Rage, and you sound impotent. Make excuses, you sound weak.

So the Twins shrug and bear one of the most lopsided beat-downs in recent baseball history.

As reporters left his office, he said, "Have a good night. Don't take too big a bite of the Apple."

For the Twins, the Big Apple is shot full of poison.