Twin Cities area ready to show naughty side

Editor's note:

This week Variety kicks off a series of features -- both quirky and practical -- on how the Republican National Convention will affect daily life in the Twin Cities. Wednesday: Will there be an elephant stampede at the State Fair?

September is a long way off, but Jessica Giordani already predicts a bump in business in the waning days of summer.

"Are you kidding me? Of course it's on my radar!" she said. "It" would be the Republican National Convention. And Giordani would be the co-founder of Smitten Kitten, a Minneapolis adult sex-toys shop.

"The sheer number of people who are going to be flooding the area looking for interesting things to do" is one reason for her anticipated sales increase. The other? "I think these people love to party. They just like to give off this all-around conservative veneer. I have customers who come in and say, 'Well, we're Republicans.' I say, 'Good for you!' I tell them your policies have nothing to do with how you have sex."

James Krier also is looking forward to bigger sales in late August, when the Democratic National Convention arrives in Denver. Krier, 27, originally from Monticello, Minn., said Purple Haze, the Denver smoke shop where he works, is "the closest shop of our kind to the [state] Capitol." It's the kind of shop that offers paraphernalia that could be used for illegal "alternative" smoking choices.

Of course it's nonsense to ask the question: Are Republicans or Democrats naughtier? But while it's essential that St. Paul and Denver police get a handle on convention traffic patterns, getting a handle on convention behavior patterns is so much more fun.

Democrats, she thinks, "are less ashamed of their bad behavior. They're the party that is supposed to celebrate diversity and a freer expression of civil liberties."

But Rich Grant, director of communication for the Denver Metro Convention and Visitors Bureau, said the discussion about which of the two major parties owns sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll "is just silly." That title belongs to cowboys. "We host the National Western Stock Show every year, which is the biggest cattle auction in the West. For over 100 years, ranchers have come to Denver for their big-city experience. Usually they buy refrigerators -- and other things. There's an interesting increase in prostitution."

And can we talk for a minute about the "baddest" of the bad? "You always hear that funeral directors are the wildest conventioneers," Grant said, "because they can't cut up in their hometowns."

Robert Parker, general manager of the Gay 90's, a popular gay club in Minneapolis featuring drag shows, strong drinks and lots of leather, agrees that being away from one's home turf will be a breath of fresh air for some Republicans. He predicts that many will visit his downtown location, "out of curiosity. They can let their hair down."

Please come to Boston

"Most everybody who came was fantastic," she said, "but we certainly had our share of bad behavior." Most of it seems tame in retrospect, such as major donors fretting because they couldn't find seats, entertainers with outrageous demands and whiny volunteers "who had to be overly managed." (Plus a few stalkers and one protest by about a half-dozen anarchists.) But in terms of drug or prostitution arrests, not a one. "It was a great week for the city," Burns said.

St. Paul police spokesman Tom Walsh predicts the same non-event for his fair city. "If you look at activities around most recent conventions, even back several decades, you're not going to see increases in [illegal] activity," he said. "That's not their [participants'] focus. The focus is on establishing their platform and, of course, a certain amount of legal recreation."

Having said that, he noted that police aren't ignoring the possibility of increased vice activity. "Are we throwing a lot of additional resources at it? We're not going to talk about it. But we do take [prostitution] very seriously. It's exploitative and not something that we take lightly."

Jeff Gerbino, a Twin Cities political satirist with "centrist" leanings, offers this tip. "The Internet's where the action is gonna happen," he said. "You'll see a lot more Internet enforcement and busting of prostitution, right about at the start of the convention."

People of all political persuasions can debate the merits of that juicy prediction until 4 a.m. at one of many local bars.