As we pondered an expansive treatise on NBA free agency (maybe more on that in a future post) or a State of the Twins' Affairs (summary: a team that has prided itself on pitching and defense over the past decade hasn't done much of either outside of Pavstache in the past couple of weeks), we stumbled upon stats for the Detroit Tigers. And that is when we were pushed over the edge. The year of the ex-Twin is just too ridiculous. See, we can accept good performances from Johan Santana (even though he was rocked by his old club Saturday) or Matt Garza. What baffles us -- and this is not at all to suggest the Twins should have kept any of these chums -- are the numbers put up this season by so many former Twins pitchers. *You probably know Carlos Silva is 8-2 with a 3.01 ERA. Though he hasn't won any of his past three starts, all were "quality" starts. This is the least offensive of the list, since Silva -- despite his wretchedness in Seattle -- at least had a track record of decency in Minnesota.

*But what about Livan Hernandez? He's slinging his slop over the plate to the tune of a 3.10 ERA and a 6-4 record. Forget the freakish 10 wins he had in Minnesota a couple years back and remember: in those 139.2 Twins innings, he gave up 199 hits. If he'd thrown as many innings for the Twins that season as Will White did for Cincy in 1879, he would have allowed 969 hits in a season. Four-plus seasons of 2004 Ichiro vs. 1879 Livo could have shattered Pete Rose's hit record. And now he has a lower ERA than even Pavstache.

*Wait, there's more. Did you know 2009 Twins innings eating knuckleballer R.A. Dickey is 6-1 with a 2.98 ERA in eight starts with the Mets. It's true!

*What pushed us over the edge, though, was Brad Thomas. We still remember that fateful trip to Wrigley Field in 2001 for a Twins/Cubs interleague series. Chicago traffic being what it is, we arrived for the June 16 game in the bottom of the first. If we had arrived any later, we would have missed Thomas completely. He lasted just 0.2 innings, giving up three home runs in the process. The Twins trotted Thomas out a few more times over the next few seasons, the last being 2004. After that, he disappeared -- we thought for good -- only to resurface this season with the Tigers. And now he is 4-0 (his only four MLB career victories). We don't care that these are poached relief wins. And sure, we're always happy for a guy who perseveres like Thomas obviously did. But come on. A baseball world where Carlos, Livo, R.A. and Brad Thomas are a combined 24-7 is almost too much to take.

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We're told Stu is allegedly attending tonight's Twins game. Let's just say we find it awfully convenient that Stu will be in that general area tonight when EVERYONE knows Justin Bieber is performing at Target Center. Would Stu really eschew a first-rate performer for a second-place club? All we know is only one of the downtown venues will feature an act that has foreseeable third base problems. Expect to find Stu ambling about the plaza, only to take a tween-friendly detour when nobody is looking.