Thinking the unthinkable: picking a guardian

Who will take care of my children if something should happen to me?

That's an unsettling topic for many parents, yet it's an important one. We consulted Andrew Lehner, an attorney with offices in Eden Prairie and West St. Paul, who specializes in guardianship, wills and conservatorship. He also teaches community education classes for parents about the relatively simple steps necessary to nominate a guardian and why this is a parenting responsibility not to be overlooked.

"Determining a guardian for your child is something that will bring you peace of mind," said Lehner, father of a 2-month-old and a 3-year-old. "You take care of it, put the document away and live your life."

Q When selecting a guardian for your child, what are important qualities to consider?

A The most important thing is that you know each other and trust each other. This usually leads to a family member, but not always. Potential guardians should know the way you parent and what you would want for your child. They should also be in a position to provide stability in a home. Another consideration often overlooked is geography. When children lose their parents, they have just experienced a traumatic situation. If the guardian is across the country, this also removes the child from a support system they are likely to need.

Q What's the best way to approach those you are considering as guardians for your child?

A Parents can name guardians in a will or use a supplemental form called the Standby Custodian Nomination. Parents are actually nominating someone to be the child's guardian, but there is no obligation on the individual's part to ultimately accept that nomination. This is an important distinction and should be part of the conversation.

Q Many parents tend to procrastinate about making a decision regarding potential guardianship of their child. Why do they do this and why shouldn't they put off this decision?

A It's certainly a difficult topic because you are contemplating your child living life without you. What I stress to parents is that by nominating guardians, you have provided the gift of clarity not only to family members or friends, but to the judge who will provide the final determination on your child's legal guardian.

If you don't nominate a guardian, you have taken the decisionmaking power out of your hands. It will be up to the judge sitting on the bench on the day of the hearing to make the determination about what would be in the best interests of the child, without any input from the parents. Sometimes the judge has to choose between two interested parties, but sometimes there are more people who have stepped up. In a time of crisis, families can do irrational things.

Q You believe that nominating guardians is one of the first things new parents should do, but if they do put this decision off, can the age of the child change the process?

A Anyone under the age of 18 needs a guardian, but a guardian nomination wouldn't apply if the child is even a day over 18. There are certainly questions about maturity to consider in that case. Again, by clarifying their wishes, parents can make their interests known in terms of who can best care for the child, but at that point it would not be a legal issue.

A It's very straightforward. All that is required is the name of the parents and the nominated guardians, along with their signatures and the signatures of two other witnesses over age 18. Then it can be notarized and stored with your family documents. The nomination form can be changed if necessary -- there are certainly family circumstances that could affect the parents' original choice, such as a death or divorce.