Markets, we thought we knew you. But now that we've hit the seven-year (bull market) mark in our relationship, we've noticed that you've grown increasingly moody. If we're going to make this long-term relationship work, we need to discuss five things we observed about you in 2016.
1. We get it, you hate the dark winter months. Our hopes of a January effect — when stocks start the year with a rally — were immediately dashed by one of the worst opening weeks in history, followed by weeks of irritability had us bracing for a bleak 2016.
In March, the extra hour of sunshine worked its magic. By the end of that month, the S&P 500 and Dow Jones industrial average were behaving as if nothing had happened.
2. We're not thrilled with the effect your British friends have had on you. In June, your buddies in Britain decided they needed space to work through some things and voted to unfriend the European Union. We know you were blindsided by the breakup. But did you really have to join your fancy international friends in their depressive stupor? You even managed to make investors nostalgic about January's sell-off.
3. On a positive note, we're proud of how quickly you sobered up after the election shocker.
Global markets plunged, and S&P 500 futures fell 5 percent in the early hours after the outcome took shape. Thank you for not checking Twitter in the middle of the night. That, and the time-zone difference, meant that we all woke up to a recovering market Nov. 9.
4. Also, congratulations on being right about the Fed's decision to raise interest rates. Brilliant strategy: Just keep making a prediction and eventually you'll get it right. This was totally the year, you said. It wasn't your fault that Brexit, China, cheap oil and a "meh" job-growth report had the Fed biding its time. On Dec. 14, when everyone was positively sure that the Federal Reserve Board would pull the trigger, we were tickled when you acted surprised for a couple of minutes then made happy-hour plans.
5. We really hope that this isn't one of your manic phases
Apologies, but we have to ask: Was the no-good, very bad start to 2016 just a head fake? Don't get us wrong, you're looking great. As of this typing, the Dow Jones industrial average is nudging 20,000, the S&P 500 Index is perched at 2,274, and the tech-savvy Nasdaq composite is benching 5,481. But how much longer can you keep it up without driving us, and you, batty?
Let's agree that we don't need more drama in 2017.
Dayana Yochim is a staff writer at NerdWallet, a personal finance website.
