Miss Minnesota, Courtney Basara, was bounced out of the Miss USA pageant in the first round. The winner was Rima Fakih - or "Roma Fakir," as my idiotically strict auto-correcting spellcheck just renamed her. She came to the US from Lebanon as a child; grew up in Queens, moved to Michigan in 2003.

Now she'll be competing in the Miss Universe competition, which is completely and utterly rigged. Every year an Earth woman wins. Every year. It's like having Miss Rhode Island win every Miss America contest.

By the way, Miss USA and Miss America are two different things. The former began as a swimsuit contest in California back in the 50s, when Miss America winner Yolanda Betbeze declined to be photographed in a swimsuit, citing personal modesty. The swimwear sponsor yanked their account and opened the rival Miss USA competition. They're rivals in the genial sense, of course, although if Trump thought he could make money staging hair-pulling catflights in heels, he might.