Sometimes you can't even make it up. From the AP (our bold):
Three freshmen Tennessee football players, including highly touted wide receiver recruit Nu'Keese Richardson and starting safety Janzen Jackson, were charged with attempted armed robbery Thursday morning.
Richardson, 18, and Jackson, 18, along with defensive back Mike Edwards, 18, and companion Marie Montmarquet, 22, were charged after a report of an armed robbery at a gas station in an area known as "The Strip" at the edge of Tennessee's campus.
The three victims told police they were sitting in their parked vehicle about 2 a.m. Thursday at a gas station near Tennessee's campus when two males dressed in hooded jackets, one brandishing a handgun, approached and demanded, "Give us everything you've got."
"The victims stated that they all presented their wallets to the suspects and showed them that they did not have money," the police report said. "The victims stated that a third black male then approached and told the other two black males, 'We've got to go.'"
The three suspects were seen leaving in a Toyota Prius, and police pulled over a vehicle matching the description on Tennessee's campus. Police spotted a pellet gun and hooded jackets and later found drug paraphernalia and a bag of what appeared to be marijuana.
*Usually, we've found that people at a gas station around a college campus at 2 a.m. have tons of cash. ("Let's see, I've got like four dollars.") That must have been what the perpetrators were thinking, too.
*Weed, cash and a Prius? This had to be the greenest attempted robbery ever.
*At least they got awesome gas mileage as they (allegedly) flushed their careers down the toilet. Apparently this came just after Lane Kiffin bragged that there had been no arrests under his watch.
*Per tradition, athletic department officials are evaluating the circumstances and are not commenting or making decisions until the evaluation is complete. Code for: Sweet mother of [redacted], will this story please somehow go away?