That's a screen grab from 5 p.m. at Weather.com. It's 96 degrees, but it FEELS LIKE 120 DEGREES. It feels like we're all living inside the devil's [redacted]. The only time we experienced actual 120 degree temperatures, it was the summer of 2004, we were on our way to Vegas, and we met John Kerry in the desert. That is not a euphemism. Yet. Please turn it into one.

In any event, against our better judgment, we are heading to the Twins game. According to Twins fan and air density aficionado @bennyc50, this could be the best chance all year to see a Joe Mauer home run.

You won't want to miss that. Even if he doesn't go deep, Mauer -- playing first base tonight -- will pound those singles extra hard.

That is also not a euphemism. Let's keep it that way.