The legions of annoying girls and women who have held "Mrs. Joe Mauer" signs at Target Field were struck a blow last weekend, as the Twins catcher announced his engagement to girlfriend Maddie Bisanz. We know plenty about Joe Mauer the baseball hero, but precious little about his abilities as a lover and companion. Using the only metrics available -- his baseball career/public persona -- here's a scouting report on Joe Mauer, the husband.

STRENGTHS

  • Loyalty to his hometown suggests monogamy might just take.
  • Aw-shucks earnestness and politeness will play great with the in-laws.
  • Won the 2009 American League MVP Award. That's dinner-party banter that automatically makes you cooler than the other husbands.
  • $184 million can buy plenty of wedded bliss. Or, at the very least, Jet-Skis.
  • Can probably score a kick-ass deal on a minivan through his brother's Chevy dealership.
  • Textbook swing could translate in other, sexier areas.
  • When healthy, seems to be really good at stuff.
  • Not Kris Humphries.

WEAKNESSES

  • Fiancée might secretly think sideburns are lame. If it came down to his trademark 'burns or his lady, where would Mauer's true loyalties lie?
  • Only hit .294 during his first full season in the majors -- a possible harbinger of a choppy first year of marriage.
  • Propensity to miss games raises concerns over his ability to make PTA meetings, grandma visits and other domestic to-dos.
  • It's no secret that chicks dig consistent power at the plate and base-stealing ability.
  • Hasn't proven his knees can hold up over the course of a 50-year marriage.
  • Bilateral emotional-availability weakness?