The legions of annoying girls and women who have held "Mrs. Joe Mauer" signs at Target Field were struck a blow last weekend, as the Twins catcher announced his engagement to girlfriend Maddie Bisanz. We know plenty about Joe Mauer the baseball hero, but precious little about his abilities as a lover and companion. Using the only metrics available -- his baseball career/public persona -- here's a scouting report on Joe Mauer, the husband.
STRENGTHS
- Loyalty to his hometown suggests monogamy might just take.
- Aw-shucks earnestness and politeness will play great with the in-laws.
- Won the 2009 American League MVP Award. That's dinner-party banter that automatically makes you cooler than the other husbands.
- $184 million can buy plenty of wedded bliss. Or, at the very least, Jet-Skis.
- Can probably score a kick-ass deal on a minivan through his brother's Chevy dealership.
- Textbook swing could translate in other, sexier areas.
- When healthy, seems to be really good at stuff.
- Not Kris Humphries.
WEAKNESSES
- Fiancée might secretly think sideburns are lame. If it came down to his trademark 'burns or his lady, where would Mauer's true loyalties lie?
- Only hit .294 during his first full season in the majors -- a possible harbinger of a choppy first year of marriage.
- Propensity to miss games raises concerns over his ability to make PTA meetings, grandma visits and other domestic to-dos.
- It's no secret that chicks dig consistent power at the plate and base-stealing ability.
- Hasn't proven his knees can hold up over the course of a 50-year marriage.
- Bilateral emotional-availability weakness?
More from Star Tribune
More from Star Tribune
More from Star Tribune
More from Star Tribune
More from Star Tribune
More from Star Tribune
More from Star Tribune
More From Star Tribune
More From Star Tribune
Sports
Minnesota Sports Hall of Fame: A class-by-class list of all members
Who's in the Star Tribune Minnesota Sports Hall of Fame? From Bernie Bierman to the latest class, here's the list:
Sports
This retired journalist changed professional wrestling from Mankato
Norm Kietzer was a pioneer in professional wrestling journalism for 40 years.
High Schools
All-Metro Sports Awards: Here are the 2023 winners
The Star Tribune recognized the best of metro area high school athletes with its sixth annual All-Metro Sports Awards. Here are the 2023 winners, who were honored Wednesday night at Target Center.