On Friday, the Canvassing Board concluded four days of peering at ovals and reading minds. More to come. Then it's litigation, followed by an inconclusive decision, and then Norm Coleman and Al Franken will be handed switchblades and tied together at the wrist.

It's a messy, grueling, eye-glazing process: Five earnest public servants staring at ballots that look like someone taped a Sharpie to the side of his face and pretended he was bobbing for apples. The board is doing its best to figure out what these people wanted, because everything comes down to them. It's like the NBA championship going to the team that sent out the water boy and had him throw the ball from the center line with his eyes closed.

But the refs wouldn't allow that, unless this was a movie starring Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell, and neither has made an appearance to argue for the Coleman or Franken camp yet. So what have we learned?

If you spent five frustrating minutes in the booth before you realized that the other end of the pen is the inky-pointy part, practice at home for a while next time.

If you create your own oval between the names, the judges can conclude only you wished to vote for some mythical being who combined elements of both candidates into some sort of Senatorial Centaur who can be expected to stomp his hooves twice to vote yes for single-payer health care and once to vote no on precipitous withdrawal from Iraq. Alas, Senate rules prohibit human-animal hybrids from taking office.

If you spoil your ballot, ask for another, even if you're afraid the lutefisk-pussed election judge will give you the hairy eyeball. Through simple human error it might end up as a challenged ballot, so sign it with your name. Yes, that also disqualifies a ballot, but if you see it in the paper you can call someone and tell them what you meant. We're dying to know.

If that's the vote that puts one guy over, well, that's how it goes. They might be so grateful that you will be awarded the Canvassing Board Game, so you can play along at home.

That could violate ethics rules, though. They'll look into it. Give them awhile. It has been a long year.

jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/buzz.