Scarlett, or "Scar-Jo," as some call her, and Sean Penn, or "Se-Pee," as no one calls him because he'd punch you, are no longer having a deep, meaningful communion of souls. Find a friend, or call a loved one; stock up on tissues, and perhaps pour a good stiff belt if it's not too early. We can all get through this if we lean on each other. People says:

Reps were probably surprised. You mean these emotionally rootless people whose very profession demands a certain amount of narcissism and the ability to confuse real and manufactured emotion - they haven't formed a deep and lasting bond? Well, blow me down.