Machete Kills
⋆½ out of four stars
Rated: R for strong bloody violence throughout, language and some sexual content.
Robert Rodriguez is America's most frustrating filmmaker. He has the technical chops, intelligence and do-it-yourself budgetary discipline to make original movies on his own terms, yet he devotes himself to churning out kiddie movies and action-gore spoofs.
On rare occasions (as in his adaptation of Frank Miller's graphic novel "Sin City"), his work is thrilling and transgressive. But nine times out of 10 Rodriguez prefers making parodies of bad movies that are themselves bad movies. He's done it again in this Mexploitation farce, a sequel to 2010's "Machete" that again wastes his talents and our time.
"Machete Kills" again stars 69-year-old beefcake Danny Trejo and a roster of mugging cameo players in a cavalcade of cartoon mayhem and grade-school sexism. Charlie Sheen plays the U.S. president, who persuades former federale Machete to take out two nuke-armed super-villains (Mel Gibson and Demian Bichir). Walt Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Antonio Banderas and Lady Gaga all play the Chameleon, the master-of-disguise hit man out to stop him. Michele Rodriguez does her tough-chica thing in an eyepatch, Sofia Vergara nearly overflows her fishnets and machine-gun bra (don't ask), and Amber Heard schemes as a diabolical spy/beauty contestant.
The acting is mostly flat (Trejo is no Hulk Hogan), the sets cheesy, the explosions and gunfire muzzle flashes deliberately unconvincing. Extras shake their bodies like epileptic jellyfish right before they die. For a while, Rodriguez's mimickry of dodgy 1960s 007 knockoffs is amusing, but the lousy-on-purpose aesthetic soon wears out its welcome. Let's kill Machete.
COLIN COVERT
ROMEO & JULIET
⋆⋆ out of four stars
Rated: PG-13 for some violence and thematic elements
Theater: Landmark Lagoon.
Stunning locations in the Italian cities of Verona and Mantua almost make up for the rather disastrous casting at the heart of this production. How 17-year-old Hailee Steinfeld managed to
look younger and more romantically innocent than she did in "True Grit," which was filmed four years ago, is anybody's guess.
Almost as big a mystery is why they cast this overmatched actress as the teen who inspires this immortal line: "I never knew true beauty until this night."
Romeo (Douglas Booth) is the real beauty here, a pretty toy boy who doesn't have a lot of camera charisma, either. The two of them make for a bland, lines-mumbling couple in an otherwise lovely and lively take on the classic play. Paul Giamatti steals the picture as the helpful Friar Lawrence, trying not to stand in the way of love.